This past Tuesday Master and i went up to see my grandma. She's moving from my home town to be near my sister. So much has happened between my sister and i that i'm not sure how i'm going to forgive her. i know i will forgive and i also know that some time in the future, maybe a week, maybe a year or maybe ten years, she'll hurt me again. i won't forgive her on that basis, when i am ready to completely forgive her it will be with my whole heart. i don't believe that you should forgive someone on a contingency basis.
So now that my grandma is gone from my home town, my sister and brother live far away from there, i'm not sure what sort of family i have left. i have Master and His family and i am so thankful for that. Having Master is what i'm hanging on to for dear life. His family is a strong support system and no matter what, His mom and dad are always there for us. But it's never the same as having the family you've known all your life.
While i might have thought that my grandma going to be near my sister would be a relief for me, all i felt when we left from seeing her was loss. It's just too much to take in, losing my Mom and now having no idea if i'll see my grandma alive again or when or if i'll see my brother and sister again. i can't really even begin to imagine it all. When we left town to come home Master asked me if there was any where i wanted to go or do while we were there. i asked him to take me to my favorite pet store. i got to play with the birds and hold a tiny Yorkie. While i'm sure someday i'll go back for whatever reason, i know i'll miss it while i'm gone.
i was going to go to my Mom's house one last time to drop off a garage door opener, but i couldn't make myself do it. That house is the house i've known and every inch of it is "Mom". When i see that house in person or in my mind i see how lovely it is and how hard she worked to make it hers. The work that she put into it and the love that she had for that house is just too much for me to handle, i am not sure i'll be able to see it again.
i'm not leaving behind too many friends, two that i really keep in touch with and i know i won't lose touch with either of them. One i've been friends with for some 30 years and the other is too stubborn to allow me to just float away. When i left there to come here, i left knowing that i could go back at any time and that my Mom would always be there for me. i knew that no matter what happened here or if things ever went south for Master and i, i would always have a home to go to. i no longer have that, should something ever happen with Master and i, i literally have no where to go and no one to turn to. While i have all the faith in the world that He and i will be together till the end of our days, one never knows what the future holds.
i'm trying like mad to focus on the fact that Master and i have a wonderful future together to look forward to with little to no chance that i'll have to be gone for weeks on end. i can now just settle back and work toward rebuilding us and continue working toward being a good slave for Him. He's been a bit more strict and demanding since we've gotten home from vacation and it's been good for both of us. It's easy to lose sight of your goals when it seems the world has been turned upside down. Now things are getting back to how He likes them and i'm watching my P's n Q's and trying to mind Him. So much easier said than done.
i've really been hurting a lot this past week, i can't seem to focus on anything and i know my memory is poor. All of the above is a clear indication that my depression is in full swing. While i've been on an anti-depressant for a while now, there's not much it can do for these sudden flairs. i would be shocked if i weren't depressed right now, it's the dead of winter with little sun light, i'm mourning the loss of my Mom and the loss of the family i've always known, how could i not be depressed? Just knowing that i'm in the middle of a downslide helps me because i know i can worm my way out of it. A little bit at a time, but i'll come back up.
Tonight we're going out for supper with some friends and that's always a good thing for me! i need to make sure that i'm planning things to look forward to, that's big for me. Having said that and looking at the clock on the wall, i see that i better scoot off of here and get ready to go!
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
Biz Page
On Being A "Professional" Master/slave
We've never, ever wanted to be mistaken for any of the countless people who claim to be a Master or slave when in reality, they just pretend for money. There's potentially a fine line in other folks' perception, and I've gone to considerable effort to never cross that line. My treasure writes here because she enjoys it, she loves to get and reply to comments and she also does it because I require it. In the beginning, it was a blog, nothing more, nothing less. In the last few years, it has become not only a blog, but also a hub for all of our online activity. Some of that activity is done simply for fun, some of it is to feed some sort of narcissistic need for kudos that I still deny having, and some of it is done to try to supplement our income by sharing our real life with others who might be willing to toss a few bucks our way for a small window into our normal activities. Normal for us but mere fantasies to them, things that they can't get at home or simply things that get their blood flowing south. Like most people, we started out never showing our faces, never being specific about where we live, blah blah blah. One day, I decided that I was tired of acting like I was ashamed of Myself or My girl, just so someone I knew wouldn't find a photo that would make them all butt hurt because of their own insecurities and closed-mindedness. In a very short time, we had started making videos and posting non-anonymous pictures all over the place. Eventually, My girl started doing live cam sessions for cash and it's become a multifaceted "business". That's why we're making this page. I didn't want it on the front page of the blog because this is still her blog, and always will be, but we wanted to add a page for some of the money-making things that we do.
About two years ago, we decided to test the waters with Kindle publishing. For a nominal fee of 99 cents a month, you can get this blog automatically delivered to your Kindle. Unfortunately, this makes it less likely for My girl to get the comments that she so loves, so if you decide to go the Kindle route, please come back here later to leave that comment you were thinking about!
Lately, we've had gentlemen ask if it was possible to buy My treasure's worn stockings. If worn stockings is what you seek, then we are happy to oblige. We've charged very reasonable amounts in the past, and that won't change. Pricing will depend entirely on quantity, color, availability, your location and any other variables or requests. We get her stockings from Europe, and we only order a few times a year, so we may have limited color options at any given time. If you're interested in My girl's worn stockings, or any other requests for that matter, please email her directly at precioustreasure_md@yahoo.com. We've done custom videos and would also be happy to do custom photosets. If it turns you on, and you think we can provide it, please don't hesitate to ask.
About 2 and a half years ago, we also decided to start making videos for sale. We've had a banner on the front page, but we've never really promoted it at all. Well, I'm not really going to promote it too much here either, but if you'd like to check out our clips, you can find them here. You can also find some of them here.
My treasure has also started working as a cam girl on ImLive. There's a banner on the front for this as well, but you can also click here or on the banner below to find her over there or schedule a meeting with her.
Banners here also!
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Alive and Well and back Home
After a very stressful and hectic Christmas, we packed for a 10 day vacation with Master's whole family in Florida. We had a great time and Master and i spent all our time together, just shopping and wandering around in an awesome climate where it was 80 plus degrees and loving every minute of it. We will move there some day, hopefully sooner than later.
We went to Sea World twice and got some fun pictures. That just might be my favorite place on earth. i can totally lose myself in the animals and just being there feels so surreal. i got to feed the dolphins and spent quite a bit of time playing with them and petting them. i could have stayed there forever.
Master and i had our ups and downs throughout the trip. When we're home we do spend all our time together, rarely if ever leave the house without the other (when i'm not traveling). We spend our computer time together but we have breaks from each other. i'll go about doing my thing and He'll do His. We have other things to focus on throughout the day. When we're traveling there is nothing to distract us from each other. That is good and bad. It makes for some tense moments because Master became quite picky of each thing i did that at home He wouldn't have even noticed. Over all, i think the trip was a success and we can't wait to go back and one day it will be for good.
i came home to even more drama than before i left. After all is said and done with Mom's estate, i'm not sure that i'll have any more family than Master and His family. i nearly broke my hand yesterday slamming it against my desk and pounding on doors. i screamed and swore (which is strongly prohibited by Master). i haven't said the words i said yesterday in many years. The worst part was that i slapped Master's arms to stop Him from sending an email, not only did i slap Him once, i slapped Him over and over again. Until He took me in His arms and made me calm down. It was the worst display of anger and total loss of self control that i have ever had. That just about sums it up, i completely lost control of myself. All of the hurt and feelings of being trampled on over the last year and a half came rushing out and there was nothing i could do to stop it. Master has always said that one day i would lose it by keeping everything bottled up. He was right. i have these episodes about once every ten years or so. i've never had one quite like this one, but similar.
Funny thing is, i don't really feel better, now i just feel guilty and very sad for hurting Master. i didn't physically hurt Him, not by a long shot, but i can only imagine that i hurt His heart, by disobeying Him when He told me to sit and not get up, by hitting Him and by swearing. i have no idea what reprocussions there will be for my actions. Whatever i get, is deserved and i'm hoping that it will help cleanse me of the guilt that i'm having.
Along with the guilt of hurting Master, i'm still in the same boat i was in before i lost it. i still don't have my Mom to talk to and the same mess still exists. i don't know how to get mad and shoot off steam and then get back on track. i (almost) never get mad, so i have no idea how to deal with the embarrasment of the "after shock". Master hasn't acted mad at me in fact, i think He's somewhat relieved that i finally took out some of my anger on my sister.
The best thing about being home is that there are no plans for me to leave again. We're home, we've collected all our kids from their various sitters and we are all home as a family again. That feeling alone is one that makes my heart leap. i'm home after a very hard time, i can relax and just work on becoming Master's slave again. i have A LOT of work to do in that area!!! It's going to take us a long time to recover from this and all we have is time.
i hope that everyone out there in blog land had a great holiday!!
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
We went to Sea World twice and got some fun pictures. That just might be my favorite place on earth. i can totally lose myself in the animals and just being there feels so surreal. i got to feed the dolphins and spent quite a bit of time playing with them and petting them. i could have stayed there forever.
Master and i had our ups and downs throughout the trip. When we're home we do spend all our time together, rarely if ever leave the house without the other (when i'm not traveling). We spend our computer time together but we have breaks from each other. i'll go about doing my thing and He'll do His. We have other things to focus on throughout the day. When we're traveling there is nothing to distract us from each other. That is good and bad. It makes for some tense moments because Master became quite picky of each thing i did that at home He wouldn't have even noticed. Over all, i think the trip was a success and we can't wait to go back and one day it will be for good.
i came home to even more drama than before i left. After all is said and done with Mom's estate, i'm not sure that i'll have any more family than Master and His family. i nearly broke my hand yesterday slamming it against my desk and pounding on doors. i screamed and swore (which is strongly prohibited by Master). i haven't said the words i said yesterday in many years. The worst part was that i slapped Master's arms to stop Him from sending an email, not only did i slap Him once, i slapped Him over and over again. Until He took me in His arms and made me calm down. It was the worst display of anger and total loss of self control that i have ever had. That just about sums it up, i completely lost control of myself. All of the hurt and feelings of being trampled on over the last year and a half came rushing out and there was nothing i could do to stop it. Master has always said that one day i would lose it by keeping everything bottled up. He was right. i have these episodes about once every ten years or so. i've never had one quite like this one, but similar.
Funny thing is, i don't really feel better, now i just feel guilty and very sad for hurting Master. i didn't physically hurt Him, not by a long shot, but i can only imagine that i hurt His heart, by disobeying Him when He told me to sit and not get up, by hitting Him and by swearing. i have no idea what reprocussions there will be for my actions. Whatever i get, is deserved and i'm hoping that it will help cleanse me of the guilt that i'm having.
Along with the guilt of hurting Master, i'm still in the same boat i was in before i lost it. i still don't have my Mom to talk to and the same mess still exists. i don't know how to get mad and shoot off steam and then get back on track. i (almost) never get mad, so i have no idea how to deal with the embarrasment of the "after shock". Master hasn't acted mad at me in fact, i think He's somewhat relieved that i finally took out some of my anger on my sister.
The best thing about being home is that there are no plans for me to leave again. We're home, we've collected all our kids from their various sitters and we are all home as a family again. That feeling alone is one that makes my heart leap. i'm home after a very hard time, i can relax and just work on becoming Master's slave again. i have A LOT of work to do in that area!!! It's going to take us a long time to recover from this and all we have is time.
i hope that everyone out there in blog land had a great holiday!!
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
The Drama Continues
Where to begin? i went up to my mom's house last Tuesday for what i thought would be a few days, as it turned out i didn't come home until Monday of this week. In short, my brother and sister got into a huge row and my Grandma turned up in the hospital and (as usual) they wouldn't stay in town to be with my Grandma and there was no way i was going to leave her alone while she was sick in the hospital. Call me crazy, but that just didn't seem like the right thing to do. She's 99 years old and in my book, she's earned a little respect and deserves more than a little TLC when she's ill. The worst part of it was that i stayed alone in my Mom's house, with absolutley nothing to do. No TV, no computer and all Mom's things strewn all over the house to serve as a constant reminder of her passing. It was rough to say the least. But i made it and i'm home again, thank goodness!
i've lost an entire week of the holiday season and to say i'm behind is an understatement. Thankfully i had the foresight to set the tree up before i left, but that's all i've done. There is much shopping and card writing to do. To say nothing of the 10 day vacation i have to pack for, just after Christmas.
This year has been so hard on Master and i, each of us as individuals as well as us as a couple. Master said the other day that He doesn't know if things are able to be completely repaired from all that has happened this year. i know He didn't mean that we'll split up or anything like that, He just meant that we've been "scarred" in a way and that will never change. But people go through difficult times and it's human nature to heal as time goes on and i have complete faith that we will. He holds an enormous fury in His belly for my siblings, it's a bit scary. i can't blame Him for being so angry, my sister has shown almost no concern for my well being nor has she shown the least little bit of respect for my marriage. She has always been and will always be "all about her". All she cares about is that she isn't put out in any way. i've put a great deal of thought into this over the last few days and i truly don't know how she sleeps at night. When we got word that my grandma was ill the first and only thing she said was "I don't care what happens with Grandma, I am going home!". What should i have said to something so crass and uncaring? All i said was that she's not only my Grandma, and there is no reason that it always has to be me who gives up her life to take care of my family. i wasn't nice about it, i was actually quite vocal, but it made no difference.
i can't wait for our vacation, Master and i deserve to get away and spend some real quality time alone with no one to think about but us. We'll be going to Sea World which is where He proposed to me, just thinking about it makes me all fluttery inside. It's going to be a wonderful trip. We need to reconnect as Husband and wife but more importantly as Master and His slave. Only good things can come of this and i have high hopes for a restoration for us.
i have so much to do and not enough time to do it, i'm working on preparing the animals for "camp" as i'm like to call it, while we're away and that is no small effort! So sitting here isn't getting my work done! Happy Holidays all!
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
i've lost an entire week of the holiday season and to say i'm behind is an understatement. Thankfully i had the foresight to set the tree up before i left, but that's all i've done. There is much shopping and card writing to do. To say nothing of the 10 day vacation i have to pack for, just after Christmas.
This year has been so hard on Master and i, each of us as individuals as well as us as a couple. Master said the other day that He doesn't know if things are able to be completely repaired from all that has happened this year. i know He didn't mean that we'll split up or anything like that, He just meant that we've been "scarred" in a way and that will never change. But people go through difficult times and it's human nature to heal as time goes on and i have complete faith that we will. He holds an enormous fury in His belly for my siblings, it's a bit scary. i can't blame Him for being so angry, my sister has shown almost no concern for my well being nor has she shown the least little bit of respect for my marriage. She has always been and will always be "all about her". All she cares about is that she isn't put out in any way. i've put a great deal of thought into this over the last few days and i truly don't know how she sleeps at night. When we got word that my grandma was ill the first and only thing she said was "I don't care what happens with Grandma, I am going home!". What should i have said to something so crass and uncaring? All i said was that she's not only my Grandma, and there is no reason that it always has to be me who gives up her life to take care of my family. i wasn't nice about it, i was actually quite vocal, but it made no difference.
i can't wait for our vacation, Master and i deserve to get away and spend some real quality time alone with no one to think about but us. We'll be going to Sea World which is where He proposed to me, just thinking about it makes me all fluttery inside. It's going to be a wonderful trip. We need to reconnect as Husband and wife but more importantly as Master and His slave. Only good things can come of this and i have high hopes for a restoration for us.
i have so much to do and not enough time to do it, i'm working on preparing the animals for "camp" as i'm like to call it, while we're away and that is no small effort! So sitting here isn't getting my work done! Happy Holidays all!
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Looking Up
i'm sure i say this every year, but this is just my favorite time of the year. This year Master's Mom and sister won't be able to cook Thanksgiving Dinner so i get the pleasure of doing it. It's been a very long time since i have made Thanksgiving Dinner, i'd say 11 years. Normally if i had something like this i had to do, i'd be on the phone all the time asking my Mom questions about how to do this or that. i am thankful that i have my sister to call and double check that i'm doing things properly.
Even though i'm sure the holidays will be much harder this year than they have ever been, i'm still looking forward to them. Thanksgiving won't be nearly as hard as Christmas and i have every intention of just letting myself fall apart when i need to and then try to carry on as best i can. It won't be easy, but i know with Master here He'll be there for me when i need Him.
Our friends who own the cabin on the river closed it about a month ago so we don't normally see them as much during the winter as we do during the summer. But i'm happy to say that the last two Saturday nights we have gone out for supper with them and have had a really good time. Yesterday we spent all day with them, working on a house they own that got vandalized. It was hard work but they are fun people and even though i was covered in dirt and grim, it was a good time.
i think slowly Master and i are settling back in to our normal selves. Being home and knowing that i'm home to stay has made an incredible improvement on our relationship. i will have to make one more trip up there before Christmas for a couple days but the end is definately in sight! We have plans this year for Christmas, we are going on a trip with Master's whole family to Florida. All 16 of us will be in a rented house with a private pool and i'm so excited about this trip! It's just what we need, we have had such a hard year and we'll bring in the new year in our favorite place in the world! How can things not be on the upswing with that to look forward to?
Well i'm off to do some cleaning and a few little things to get ready for Thanksgiving.
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
Even though i'm sure the holidays will be much harder this year than they have ever been, i'm still looking forward to them. Thanksgiving won't be nearly as hard as Christmas and i have every intention of just letting myself fall apart when i need to and then try to carry on as best i can. It won't be easy, but i know with Master here He'll be there for me when i need Him.
Our friends who own the cabin on the river closed it about a month ago so we don't normally see them as much during the winter as we do during the summer. But i'm happy to say that the last two Saturday nights we have gone out for supper with them and have had a really good time. Yesterday we spent all day with them, working on a house they own that got vandalized. It was hard work but they are fun people and even though i was covered in dirt and grim, it was a good time.
i think slowly Master and i are settling back in to our normal selves. Being home and knowing that i'm home to stay has made an incredible improvement on our relationship. i will have to make one more trip up there before Christmas for a couple days but the end is definately in sight! We have plans this year for Christmas, we are going on a trip with Master's whole family to Florida. All 16 of us will be in a rented house with a private pool and i'm so excited about this trip! It's just what we need, we have had such a hard year and we'll bring in the new year in our favorite place in the world! How can things not be on the upswing with that to look forward to?
Well i'm off to do some cleaning and a few little things to get ready for Thanksgiving.
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
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