Is there a way to truly care about people, put ones heart into their "work" if you will and still be guarded? i think the answer should be a resounding no! If you truly want to throw yourself into what you're doing and who you're caring for then you need to let your guard down or there will be no trust. i am of course speaking about Master's parents and the work we do for them. They call, we're there. They need something we're there. No matter the time of day or night. We're no hero's, that's the way it should be and thousands of other people our age are doing the exact same thing we're doing right now, caring for the people who raised them. However, if we screw up we're on the chopping block for it in front of the rest of the family and His Mom offers no defense in our favor.
Yesterday was His Mom's birthday and in the past the ladies have gone out for lunch. The older ladies in the family, that is. i have been invited a few times but it's really the older ladies and since the falling out between Master and His sister, i haven't been invited. The men don't go to the lunches and we were told that on Wednesday night as well, the men don't go, His Mom clearly stated it. OK, so Master and i won't be going then. Thursday we show up to clean late afternoon, no one is home. We figured they were out messing around for her birthday. Nah, His Mom and Dad were still at the lunch, that they BOTH went to. Oh, Master's sister and husband went as well. So we were the only ones from her immediate family that weren't there and as i type this, it's all i can do not to cry because His Mom knew they were going, i know she did. It's just how she try to avoid telling me His sister was going to the lunch, altogether. i am making an assumption of course and that's no good.
i wanted to pack up and ask Master if we could come back another time and finish our work, once His Mom told me about her party. How could i do that though without making even a slight scene? So i kept my head down and kept dusting and polishing while Master was outside painting. i didn't tell Master about the lunch until we were on our way home, it was best to keep it to myself until we were gone from their house. i didn't want to ruin her birthday and i knew Master would have been very upset and as it turned out, i think i might have been more or just as upset as He was.
As a rule in my life i believe we're meant to give of ourselves to those we've been given. For instance, i was given Master and His family as gifts from God. Therefore i should give the most of myself to Master and what He'll allow me to give, i give to His family. i should do this with all the love in my heart and without regret or fear of being hurt because this is family.
Now as foo foo and wonderment as this all sounds, i screw up and fail all the time. i get mad and impatient and complain when i shouldn't but this is what i truly believe i am meant to do! This is what my ultimate goal is, this isn't what i actually DO! Well i do give the most of myself to Master, i do that.
The thing is, i really honestly to try to do all those things and as long as i'm still trying there should be support in a family. It should be a two way street, everyone should have each others back and stand up for one another if there is bad mouthing going on.
i just have to remind myself, risk vs. reward. i know we are doing the right thing every time we walk into that house and how good it feels to leave them at night knowing they are okay and maybe we just made things a little easier for them. It's seriously worth it.
Okay, that's enough whining for the day.
Master and i have more work to do for His parents, they are expecting company next Tuesday and she wants her carpets cleaned. Of course her company is seriously going to be there two hours! She must have her carpet cleaned so that's what we'll do! Once we're finished cleaning her house and painting our time is our own again! YAY. =)
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
This song is so awesome as a pick me up! Enjoy!
I spent years as a caregiver for a parent who would alternately dish out love and condemnation. I don't regret a single moment in retrospect, although there were times I felt used and abused. Instead of feeling slighted by the lack of an invitation, could you consider yourself fortunate to have had the time alone with Master without the distraction of their presence?
ReplyDeleteYou couldn't be more right and i have more to be thankful for than one could imagine. More often than not i am a duck, allowing everything to slide right off my back.
ReplyDeleteOf course, i was looking at the bigger picture and not one luncheon invitation. When one thing happens, it's easy to think that it's a mistake, when two, three or ten things have happened, a pattern has clearly developed and it's impossible to not be hurt, at least for a while. Until you pick yourself back up and move on to the next chore.
Despite everything Serafina did for Mom (the last two years it was Serafina's efforts that prevented us from having to put Mom into a nursing home much more than my own - I was working full time) Mom struggled with accepting her until very close to the end.
ReplyDeleteI don't know how to make that kind of hurt go away . . .
I loved my Mother very deeply, but I also knew that she showed me precious little respect for all that my slave/wife and I did for her, and I suspect that you are in a similar situation.