me- "i think You just do this stuff to upset me"
Him- "Do you have have balls? Seriously, do you have balls because I could say the same thing about you."
Just to clear things up, i don't have balls. He wants me to speak up so when i speak up or talk more, i say the wrong thing. Pretty much a no fail thing these days.
You know what's interesting? We get along better at night than we do during the day. We still have a great time together, laughing and playing and joking. We love to spend time together and do everything we've always loved to do and the M/s dynamic is just as strong and powerful as it's always been. There isn't anything that was there that isn't there now.
What is there that wasn't there is my constant worry and that's what i need to let go of and quickly. It's impossible for me to concentrate on anything while worrying. i worry too much and He's more carefree than ever. i need to find that happy medium. Until i can let go of some of this i'll continue to hurt like i have been and i'll stay upset about every little thing. None of this is good for us.
i continue to have a servants heart and mind, nothing will ever take that away from me. He says that i act like a robot and my emotions aren't there. i feel everything inside and somehow they don't surface. Oddly enough, because i'm feeling them on the inside, i don't know that they aren't surfacing. When i'm hurting, i'm hurting so badly that i don't know that my emotions aren't showing. i can only assume that i am hurting so bad that it's obvious. When i'm happy i feel happy and i assume that it shows, do you have to cry to show happy/sad? i laugh so much that i cry and that my head hurts so badly that it feels like it's splitting open. i am still a robot, He calls me a robot because i sit there and don't answer Him immediately. i know that i don't respond right away. i think about my answers and lots of times i stare into space, why does that make me a robot? Then i get flustered. The answer is coming, maybe just not that second. i still have emotions. It's like demanding emotions makes me withdraw more, let me stare into space and recharge. i'm not trying to be disagreeable, i'm not even thinking, i'm just "being". i don't know if i'm an introvert or whatever i am, i don't need to define it. i am only me. Whatever or whoever i am, there are tons of emotions and thoughts inside me i just might need a moment to answer or react.
That was a lot of mumbling and rambling and i know it didn't make a lot of sense, the truth is i just needed to get that out. i might even get in trouble for saying what i said. He might get angry if what i said was misleading because i am at fault a lot here also. i just know that the blog was always a place of solace for me and a place where i could come and write about everything and nothing and Master would just let it go. It has changed some over the years though, today i am going back to those journaling days where you just sat down with a pen and paper and pretend that no one but you will read it. Where you write until your hand cramps and your brain hurt. Today is one of those days.
Anyway, my brain hurts and if you're still with me, you're a brave soul. =p
Thanks for reading today.
MD's treasure
Biz Page
On Being A "Professional" Master/slave
We've never, ever wanted to be mistaken for any of the countless people who claim to be a Master or slave when in reality, they just pretend for money. There's potentially a fine line in other folks' perception, and I've gone to considerable effort to never cross that line. My treasure writes here because she enjoys it, she loves to get and reply to comments and she also does it because I require it. In the beginning, it was a blog, nothing more, nothing less. In the last few years, it has become not only a blog, but also a hub for all of our online activity. Some of that activity is done simply for fun, some of it is to feed some sort of narcissistic need for kudos that I still deny having, and some of it is done to try to supplement our income by sharing our real life with others who might be willing to toss a few bucks our way for a small window into our normal activities. Normal for us but mere fantasies to them, things that they can't get at home or simply things that get their blood flowing south. Like most people, we started out never showing our faces, never being specific about where we live, blah blah blah. One day, I decided that I was tired of acting like I was ashamed of Myself or My girl, just so someone I knew wouldn't find a photo that would make them all butt hurt because of their own insecurities and closed-mindedness. In a very short time, we had started making videos and posting non-anonymous pictures all over the place. Eventually, My girl started doing live cam sessions for cash and it's become a multifaceted "business". That's why we're making this page. I didn't want it on the front page of the blog because this is still her blog, and always will be, but we wanted to add a page for some of the money-making things that we do.
About two years ago, we decided to test the waters with Kindle publishing. For a nominal fee of 99 cents a month, you can get this blog automatically delivered to your Kindle. Unfortunately, this makes it less likely for My girl to get the comments that she so loves, so if you decide to go the Kindle route, please come back here later to leave that comment you were thinking about!
Lately, we've had gentlemen ask if it was possible to buy My treasure's worn stockings. If worn stockings is what you seek, then we are happy to oblige. We've charged very reasonable amounts in the past, and that won't change. Pricing will depend entirely on quantity, color, availability, your location and any other variables or requests. We get her stockings from Europe, and we only order a few times a year, so we may have limited color options at any given time. If you're interested in My girl's worn stockings, or any other requests for that matter, please email her directly at precioustreasure_md@yahoo.com. We've done custom videos and would also be happy to do custom photosets. If it turns you on, and you think we can provide it, please don't hesitate to ask.
About 2 and a half years ago, we also decided to start making videos for sale. We've had a banner on the front page, but we've never really promoted it at all. Well, I'm not really going to promote it too much here either, but if you'd like to check out our clips, you can find them here. You can also find some of them here.
My treasure has also started working as a cam girl on ImLive. There's a banner on the front for this as well, but you can also click here or on the banner below to find her over there or schedule a meeting with her.
Banners here also!
Sometimes you just have to get things out - for 'bloggers' it seems that writing is a common form of release - a cathartic process. Hugs
ReplyDeleteIt's not very often i just sit at the computer and spit out words at random and hope they make sense later. In this case you're right though i guess i just needed the release and maybe you and others will understand what i'm about say; knowing that there are people like you out there who might read my blabbering is some odd sort of comfort. Just knowing that i'm sending my words out there into bloggersphere and it's not landing on deaf ears is a crazy comfort to me.
ReplyDeleteThanks to those of you who read this and who keep coming back. =)