i've never been a big believer in "the fresh start" or whatever other people think the New Year stands for. For me, the new year is just trying to remember to write the new date instead of the old. i've never made resolutions or really any that stick out in my mind. i don't see the point, if something in your life needs changing badly enough, you'll change it, no matter what the date is. i told Master that i was going to make a resolution this year but i've already started it because it was needed and again, i don't see the point of waiting for a certain date to change something that needs changing.
i know i've mentioned many times that Master is a pack rat and sadly i've adopted some of His habits. my goal is only have *one* of any certain product in the house. One bottle of dish soap, one bottle of windex ..... and the list goes on. i've already made some progress and under the kitchen sink looks better (not good) already.
Tonight we're having friends over for dinner and games. It's been snowing pretty hard already though and i'm hoping it doesn't ruin our night. i'm sure the trucks will be out soon though, seeing that it's a big night out for a lot of people. i spent yesterday straightening up the house and doing some cleaning. i've been so bad about it that when i get to cleaning it takes longer than it should. One thing i've done much better on is keeping up with my laundry. Master is pretty adamant when it comes to allowing me to get rid of old clothes so they really pile up. There just isn't enough space for everything once it's clean. But i've sort of stuffed and crammed things into place just so i don't get behind on the laundry. It just makes it easy to let things sit in the laundry room and not have to deal with putting it away, when i think about what a pain it is to find a place for things. But i'm doing better.
Today i'm going to finish up my house work and take some time this afternoon to start a book that Master got me for Christmas. i've been looking forward to reading this book for many years and i finally remembered to ask for it this year. It's called The perks of being a wallflower.
Well i'm not making any progress sitting here on my bum, so i'm off to try to be productive.
Happy New Year!
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
Biz Page
On Being A "Professional" Master/slave
We've never, ever wanted to be mistaken for any of the countless people who claim to be a Master or slave when in reality, they just pretend for money. There's potentially a fine line in other folks' perception, and I've gone to considerable effort to never cross that line. My treasure writes here because she enjoys it, she loves to get and reply to comments and she also does it because I require it. In the beginning, it was a blog, nothing more, nothing less. In the last few years, it has become not only a blog, but also a hub for all of our online activity. Some of that activity is done simply for fun, some of it is to feed some sort of narcissistic need for kudos that I still deny having, and some of it is done to try to supplement our income by sharing our real life with others who might be willing to toss a few bucks our way for a small window into our normal activities. Normal for us but mere fantasies to them, things that they can't get at home or simply things that get their blood flowing south. Like most people, we started out never showing our faces, never being specific about where we live, blah blah blah. One day, I decided that I was tired of acting like I was ashamed of Myself or My girl, just so someone I knew wouldn't find a photo that would make them all butt hurt because of their own insecurities and closed-mindedness. In a very short time, we had started making videos and posting non-anonymous pictures all over the place. Eventually, My girl started doing live cam sessions for cash and it's become a multifaceted "business". That's why we're making this page. I didn't want it on the front page of the blog because this is still her blog, and always will be, but we wanted to add a page for some of the money-making things that we do.
About two years ago, we decided to test the waters with Kindle publishing. For a nominal fee of 99 cents a month, you can get this blog automatically delivered to your Kindle. Unfortunately, this makes it less likely for My girl to get the comments that she so loves, so if you decide to go the Kindle route, please come back here later to leave that comment you were thinking about!
Lately, we've had gentlemen ask if it was possible to buy My treasure's worn stockings. If worn stockings is what you seek, then we are happy to oblige. We've charged very reasonable amounts in the past, and that won't change. Pricing will depend entirely on quantity, color, availability, your location and any other variables or requests. We get her stockings from Europe, and we only order a few times a year, so we may have limited color options at any given time. If you're interested in My girl's worn stockings, or any other requests for that matter, please email her directly at precioustreasure_md@yahoo.com. We've done custom videos and would also be happy to do custom photosets. If it turns you on, and you think we can provide it, please don't hesitate to ask.
About 2 and a half years ago, we also decided to start making videos for sale. We've had a banner on the front page, but we've never really promoted it at all. Well, I'm not really going to promote it too much here either, but if you'd like to check out our clips, you can find them here. You can also find some of them here.
My treasure has also started working as a cam girl on ImLive. There's a banner on the front for this as well, but you can also click here or on the banner below to find her over there or schedule a meeting with her.
Banners here also!
Monday, December 31, 2007
Friday, December 07, 2007
Christmas Meme
i saw this on luna's blog and thought it looked like fun!
A Christmas meme:
1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? It depends the gift, but if i can i use bags, they always look so festive!
2. Real tree or artificial? M and i have an artificial tree but all my years growing up i had a real one. Love the smell, hate the mess, lol.
3. When do you put up the tree? Just as soon as M brings the stuff up for me, but hopefully no later than the first week of December.
4. When do you take the tree down? eh.. lol that totally depends on my level of motivation
5. Do you like eggnog? yes i love it
6. Favorite gift received as a child? i have 2, one was a little yellow phone and the other was a red bean bag chair.
7. Do you have a nativity scene? yes
8. Hardest person to buy for? M's brother in law
9. Easiest person to buy for? M's Mom
10. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? Could be the little metal tree i got last year, it was broken when i opened it.
11. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail, i'm doing that right now actually =)
12. Favorite Christmas movie? hmm ... i have lots, Home Alone, Emmet Otter, Rudolph, Love Actually. i think there are many more, i just can't think of them at the moment.
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? Sometimes i'll pick things up all year round, just depends on what i see. M and i traditionally go out the day after Thanksgiving.
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Not that i can recall.
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Mom used to make Italian Beef sandwiches on Christmas Eve and the memory of those is amazing.
16. Clear lights or colored on the tree? i used to have clear, now we have colored and fun lights.
17. Favorite Christmas song? Too many hehe. i think i would have to say Glen Campbell's Christmas album though has many of my favorites.
18. Travel for Christmas or stay home? Whatever it takes to be with family.
19. Can you name all of Santa’s reindeer? Dasher, Dancer, Prancer and Vixen, Comet, Cupid Donner and Blitzen and Rudolph!
20. Angel on the treetop or a star? Angel!
21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Both! =)
22. Most annoying thing about this time of year? The fact that Merry Christmas is no longer an acceptable greeting and that people are offended by it.
23. What I love most about Christmas. The preparations, all of it. Shopping, baking, decorating, gift wrapping, listening to the music and most of all, allowing myself time to reflect on the "Reason for the Season".
Sunday, December 02, 2007
Brrrrrrrrrr
It looks like winter might be officially here. This was a really cold icy weekend. Yesterday we had winter ice storm and although we were still able to go out last night, the drive way and side walks were terribly slick. We had a nice night out though, we went with our friends who own the cabin, we went shopping then out to dinner. We always have a good time when we go out with them.
Master and His Dad continue to work on the deck, they are hoping that they'll have just a couple more days to work outside to finish off the decking. If this weather we're having right now is any indication of the coming temperatures, i'm not so sure they'll be able to be out there at all though. It's so windy outside right now it sounds like the siding is going to rip right off the house. Makes me thankful that i can hole up inside and stay cozy warm.
i was sort of hoping we might start to put the Christmas tree up tonight, but it's already getting a little bit late, so i'm not sure if that'll be in the plan yet tonight. We stopped by Master's parents house last night and i shaped His Mom's tree for her, she's got one of those pre-lit trees and i would love to have one, but i think they are pretty expensive. Besides if we get a tree with the lites already on it, then we can't use our cute lites lol. Speaking of which, i've been looking for a set of winnie the pooh lights for ages. One year i saw a set and didn't buy them, now i can't find them to save my soul.
We've just barely started our shopping and by now we've usually got a pretty good bit of it done. We've been putting it off some so Master could work on the deck, but i don't think we'll be able to put it off much longer. We'll need to take a full day and go to town and at least shop for the animals.
Everything else here has pretty much been status quo. Not much new with us, we just keep plugging along! i took a short trip in the middle of November to see my family, i stopped in Illinois and picked up my niece and we drove out there together. It's a long trip alone and it was so awesome to spend time with her. i always miss them, but i don't realize just how much until i'm with them for a while. But we had a great time and i got to spend time with my Grandma, who is doing well but i think she's getting just a bit worse, each time i see her. She can't really see much of anything with the exception of shapes and colors and her hearing is almost nil. She didn't have her hearing aid when i was there, it was in for repairs, but my sister said the hearing aid really doesn't make that big of a difference at this point. Spending time with her is hard because she doesn't know what's going on cause she can't hear or see what's happening. We brought her to my sisters house one day and it was so much easier having her at home, then she can wander around and look at the birds outside or just mess around. When we see her at the nursing home, there's little to do but sit and stare at her. Either way, i was so happy to see her.
Well i just noticed the time and i think i better get something for supper. It's getting a little bit late hehe.
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
Master and His Dad continue to work on the deck, they are hoping that they'll have just a couple more days to work outside to finish off the decking. If this weather we're having right now is any indication of the coming temperatures, i'm not so sure they'll be able to be out there at all though. It's so windy outside right now it sounds like the siding is going to rip right off the house. Makes me thankful that i can hole up inside and stay cozy warm.
i was sort of hoping we might start to put the Christmas tree up tonight, but it's already getting a little bit late, so i'm not sure if that'll be in the plan yet tonight. We stopped by Master's parents house last night and i shaped His Mom's tree for her, she's got one of those pre-lit trees and i would love to have one, but i think they are pretty expensive. Besides if we get a tree with the lites already on it, then we can't use our cute lites lol. Speaking of which, i've been looking for a set of winnie the pooh lights for ages. One year i saw a set and didn't buy them, now i can't find them to save my soul.
We've just barely started our shopping and by now we've usually got a pretty good bit of it done. We've been putting it off some so Master could work on the deck, but i don't think we'll be able to put it off much longer. We'll need to take a full day and go to town and at least shop for the animals.
Everything else here has pretty much been status quo. Not much new with us, we just keep plugging along! i took a short trip in the middle of November to see my family, i stopped in Illinois and picked up my niece and we drove out there together. It's a long trip alone and it was so awesome to spend time with her. i always miss them, but i don't realize just how much until i'm with them for a while. But we had a great time and i got to spend time with my Grandma, who is doing well but i think she's getting just a bit worse, each time i see her. She can't really see much of anything with the exception of shapes and colors and her hearing is almost nil. She didn't have her hearing aid when i was there, it was in for repairs, but my sister said the hearing aid really doesn't make that big of a difference at this point. Spending time with her is hard because she doesn't know what's going on cause she can't hear or see what's happening. We brought her to my sisters house one day and it was so much easier having her at home, then she can wander around and look at the birds outside or just mess around. When we see her at the nursing home, there's little to do but sit and stare at her. Either way, i was so happy to see her.
Well i just noticed the time and i think i better get something for supper. It's getting a little bit late hehe.
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Thursday, November 01, 2007
Happy Anniversary Master!
We got married 4 years ago today. It was a whirlwind day and as much work and effort that was put into our day, trying to make it perfect, i can hardly remember it. i do remember getting ready to take my first step down the isle and realizing that Kellie had forgotten to tighten my slip, i ended up holding it up so i wouldn't step on it the whole time lol. i remember pausing and thinking omgosh it's going to fall off and Rick nudging me forward saying, it's too late, we gotta go!
i remember hearing all the people out in the church meeting area and laughing, wondering what everyone was up to, while i was stuck away in the little room. i remember how amazing everyone looked, Mom's dress looked so good on her, Master's Mom looked great and all the kids were polished a shined. But mostly i remember looking up at Master when i started to walk down the isle and thinking how much fun we were going to have as a couple.
This last couple years has been rough on us. Losing Mom and spending a lot of time in the hospital last year was hard on both of us. But i think now that things have settled down, we're doing much better than even i expected. We have our ups and downs but we also have a lot of fun together. That's all my Mom ever wanted for us kids. i went through some old shower cards the other day and she wrote on a card "such a fun time huh?". She just wanted me to have fun and be happy and Master and i have a lot of fun and laugh a lot. That's what she wanted for me. Now that Mom is gone my sister has taken on that role, asking what i'm doing, where we're going, how we're spending our days and she always says the same thing, "have a really good time!". Well, i think we do that part, pretty well.
Master and His dad are out working on the deck again today, it's a beautiful day today and they are taking advantage of the weather. i'm not sure if we're doing anything tonight for our anniversary or not, i think we'll wait till the weekend.
Last night was a really fun time too, the neighbors had a haunted garage and made everyone run out screaming. We had well over 100 trick or treaters and even the little lady bug that i wait for every year, didn't disappoint me. She was tiny and knocked softly on the door and when i opened it she said "ticker teat" so softly i could barely hear her. When i said happy halloween, she said, "CANDY!" hehehe. Too cute.
i'm off to find something constructive to do!
Happy Anniversary Master, thank You for putting up with me, i know it's not easy sometimes!! =)
Yours.
i remember hearing all the people out in the church meeting area and laughing, wondering what everyone was up to, while i was stuck away in the little room. i remember how amazing everyone looked, Mom's dress looked so good on her, Master's Mom looked great and all the kids were polished a shined. But mostly i remember looking up at Master when i started to walk down the isle and thinking how much fun we were going to have as a couple.
This last couple years has been rough on us. Losing Mom and spending a lot of time in the hospital last year was hard on both of us. But i think now that things have settled down, we're doing much better than even i expected. We have our ups and downs but we also have a lot of fun together. That's all my Mom ever wanted for us kids. i went through some old shower cards the other day and she wrote on a card "such a fun time huh?". She just wanted me to have fun and be happy and Master and i have a lot of fun and laugh a lot. That's what she wanted for me. Now that Mom is gone my sister has taken on that role, asking what i'm doing, where we're going, how we're spending our days and she always says the same thing, "have a really good time!". Well, i think we do that part, pretty well.
Master and His dad are out working on the deck again today, it's a beautiful day today and they are taking advantage of the weather. i'm not sure if we're doing anything tonight for our anniversary or not, i think we'll wait till the weekend.
Last night was a really fun time too, the neighbors had a haunted garage and made everyone run out screaming. We had well over 100 trick or treaters and even the little lady bug that i wait for every year, didn't disappoint me. She was tiny and knocked softly on the door and when i opened it she said "ticker teat" so softly i could barely hear her. When i said happy halloween, she said, "CANDY!" hehehe. Too cute.
i'm off to find something constructive to do!
Happy Anniversary Master, thank You for putting up with me, i know it's not easy sometimes!! =)
Yours.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Happy Halloween!!!!
Master and i spent the day today getting ready for trick or treating. We got some of the best candy ever! The basket of candy by the front door looks absolutely amazing. Just the smell of it takes me back 30 years.
Tomorrow is our Anniversary and we still haven't really talked about any plans. We're going to be celebrating my birthday with Master's family on Sunday and that's all the more thought we've put into that even.
Master and His Dad have been working hard on the deck and it's really taking shape. Once He's finished it will really be nice. The local Menards is moving so we're hoping that we'll be able to catch a few of the last minute things we need on sale. Could we really be that lucky though? i'll just be glad when it's finished and then we'll have the whole next summer and many after to enjoy it.
i have to cut this short as the doorbell will be ringing soon with little painted faces and hopefully the token tiny Ladybug that i look forward to seeing every year. That by far is my favorite costume!
Happy Halloween to you and yours!!
MD's treasure
Tomorrow is our Anniversary and we still haven't really talked about any plans. We're going to be celebrating my birthday with Master's family on Sunday and that's all the more thought we've put into that even.
Master and His Dad have been working hard on the deck and it's really taking shape. Once He's finished it will really be nice. The local Menards is moving so we're hoping that we'll be able to catch a few of the last minute things we need on sale. Could we really be that lucky though? i'll just be glad when it's finished and then we'll have the whole next summer and many after to enjoy it.
i have to cut this short as the doorbell will be ringing soon with little painted faces and hopefully the token tiny Ladybug that i look forward to seeing every year. That by far is my favorite costume!
Happy Halloween to you and yours!!
MD's treasure
Monday, October 01, 2007
This n That
Master and i have spent the last month or more sick. i ended up with Bronchitis and He had a horrible cold. We're still coughing but at least up and around again. For a couple weeks we basically did nothing but lie around and sleep and feel horrible.
Now that the weather is cooler and we're feeling better, Master and His Dad have been out working on the deck. They are running short on time before the ground freezes up and we have to stop work on it. i'm still hopeful that they will finish it before the snow flies, but that might just be a bit too optimistic. We got a pretty good start today and Master did all the recycling and i've just been puttering.
Last night we went to see Weird Al in concert. i really hadn't been looking forward to it, i wasn't dreading it, by any means but i just wasn't all that excited about it. i had seen him once before and the show was adequate but not fantastic. Last night was another story, i thought the show was awesome and so much better than when we saw him last. After the show Master and i went for a late supper then to the store so i could do a little shopping for His birthday. Tomorrow He'll be errr... "older". hehehehe Later in the week we'll go out for His birthday dinner to His all time favorite place for Seafood. It's one of our favorite nights out of the year. The food is always amazing and we most generally just have a ball.
Wednesday the 3rd, will be the one year anniversary of my Mom's passing. i can't believe that she's been gone that long. That it's been a whole year since i was able to talk to her. These last few days have been really tough, missing her and wanting so badly to just be able to talk to her again. i'm hoping now i'm over the worst of it and i'm able to continue to heal a little bit. She loved the fall so much and it's my favorite time of year too. i want to have a nice fall this year as last year was horrible.
Next week i'm going to see my Grandma and Sister for a few days. i'm leaving Thursday and i'll be back Sunday late afternoon, evening. i'm also going up to see my Mom's grave for the first time. We have pictures of the stone but none of us has been to see her. i'll be there close to her birthday, so i want to leave some flowers for her. i'm hoping that this time Master won't be nasty to me, while i'm away. i'm just going to see my grandma before winter sets in, because i know i won't be there for any of the holidays. The last time i was away He was so very angry and just unkind, that i really hesitated to even ask to go because my time away last time was miserable. i'm optimistic again that this trip will be different.
Not much else is going on here, just getting over our illness and working on summer/fall projects. my intentions are always good, to post here more often, but i just don't seem to get here often enough. Hope all is well in blog land!
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
Now that the weather is cooler and we're feeling better, Master and His Dad have been out working on the deck. They are running short on time before the ground freezes up and we have to stop work on it. i'm still hopeful that they will finish it before the snow flies, but that might just be a bit too optimistic. We got a pretty good start today and Master did all the recycling and i've just been puttering.
Last night we went to see Weird Al in concert. i really hadn't been looking forward to it, i wasn't dreading it, by any means but i just wasn't all that excited about it. i had seen him once before and the show was adequate but not fantastic. Last night was another story, i thought the show was awesome and so much better than when we saw him last. After the show Master and i went for a late supper then to the store so i could do a little shopping for His birthday. Tomorrow He'll be errr... "older". hehehehe Later in the week we'll go out for His birthday dinner to His all time favorite place for Seafood. It's one of our favorite nights out of the year. The food is always amazing and we most generally just have a ball.
Wednesday the 3rd, will be the one year anniversary of my Mom's passing. i can't believe that she's been gone that long. That it's been a whole year since i was able to talk to her. These last few days have been really tough, missing her and wanting so badly to just be able to talk to her again. i'm hoping now i'm over the worst of it and i'm able to continue to heal a little bit. She loved the fall so much and it's my favorite time of year too. i want to have a nice fall this year as last year was horrible.
Next week i'm going to see my Grandma and Sister for a few days. i'm leaving Thursday and i'll be back Sunday late afternoon, evening. i'm also going up to see my Mom's grave for the first time. We have pictures of the stone but none of us has been to see her. i'll be there close to her birthday, so i want to leave some flowers for her. i'm hoping that this time Master won't be nasty to me, while i'm away. i'm just going to see my grandma before winter sets in, because i know i won't be there for any of the holidays. The last time i was away He was so very angry and just unkind, that i really hesitated to even ask to go because my time away last time was miserable. i'm optimistic again that this trip will be different.
Not much else is going on here, just getting over our illness and working on summer/fall projects. my intentions are always good, to post here more often, but i just don't seem to get here often enough. Hope all is well in blog land!
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Where did the summer go?
i can't believe it's September. i'm sitting at my desk with the windows open and i'm actually chilly. It seems like last week we were dying from the heat and now it's looking like fall is already settling in. Fall has always been my favorite time of the year. i love the leaves turning and the cooler days outside in a sweatshirt, the smell of people burning leaves. i love everything about it, the pumpkins and decorations out on the lawns. But this year, it's all a little different. This year, i have to endure my first full fall season without my Mom. She loved this time of year. We always took a day trip up to Wisconsin as we lived very near the boarder of Illinois and Wisconsin. That was always an amazing day. We'd get apples and have a special lunch at The Swiss Colony. She loved that day so much, we all did, for that matter.
In a little less than a month, she'll be gone a year. i can't even begin to believe she'll be gone an entire year. i think the worst part is, that it's really starting to settle in with me and my brother and sister, that this was really it. i know how silly that sounds, we've had 11 months for it to sink in, but each day i think, omgosh i'm really not going to talk to her again, am i? This was for real, she's really gone and there's nothing i can do about it. We're all having a hard time right now, i noticed on my cell phone yesterday that my brother called me. He never calls me unless something is wrong and then he always leaves a message. The only other reason he could have called would be that he's just not doing well. A talk with my sister confirmed my suspicion. He's a mess. my Grandma called yesterday morning too, then again last night. i have no idea how she managed it but she dialed the number some how and got me. i know when she calls, she really needs me. She'd never call otherwise.
A few nights ago i walked out on the deck and was hit with the smell of burning leaves, i love this smell and before i knew what was happening i was clutching my chest and missing my Mom so badly i could hardly stand it. i don't know if this will ever get better. i don't lie in bed and sob, i continue on with my daily life, but this heartache is something i'm not sure will ever fade. i just wish i knew if she was alright. i wish i could ask her if she's OK and if she's sure she made the right decision. But that's something i guess i'll never know. i just have to trust that she knew what was she was doing, that she really knew what the out come of her decision was going to be. i have to have that much faith in her, she deserves that. Much easier said than done.
i asked Master this morning if He'd allow me to go see my Grandma for a few days. i need to see her and i would like to go before the snow flies. i haven't been to see my Mom's grave marker yet and i could stop up there on the way to see her. i'd love to take some flowers to my Mom's grave and just sit and chat with her a bit. i know very well that she's not there, but maybe i'll take a little comfort in knowing that i'm near what used to be her. Her birthday was October 13th, i'm going to see if He'll allow me to go around that date. Maybe if i'm really good, He'll let me go and not be mad at me. It's always tense when i visit my family. Maybe this time it wouldn't be so bad. That's what i'm hoping for anyway. =)
Well i'm off to the doctor in just a little while, i need to get rid of this cough i've had for two weeks!
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
In a little less than a month, she'll be gone a year. i can't even begin to believe she'll be gone an entire year. i think the worst part is, that it's really starting to settle in with me and my brother and sister, that this was really it. i know how silly that sounds, we've had 11 months for it to sink in, but each day i think, omgosh i'm really not going to talk to her again, am i? This was for real, she's really gone and there's nothing i can do about it. We're all having a hard time right now, i noticed on my cell phone yesterday that my brother called me. He never calls me unless something is wrong and then he always leaves a message. The only other reason he could have called would be that he's just not doing well. A talk with my sister confirmed my suspicion. He's a mess. my Grandma called yesterday morning too, then again last night. i have no idea how she managed it but she dialed the number some how and got me. i know when she calls, she really needs me. She'd never call otherwise.
A few nights ago i walked out on the deck and was hit with the smell of burning leaves, i love this smell and before i knew what was happening i was clutching my chest and missing my Mom so badly i could hardly stand it. i don't know if this will ever get better. i don't lie in bed and sob, i continue on with my daily life, but this heartache is something i'm not sure will ever fade. i just wish i knew if she was alright. i wish i could ask her if she's OK and if she's sure she made the right decision. But that's something i guess i'll never know. i just have to trust that she knew what was she was doing, that she really knew what the out come of her decision was going to be. i have to have that much faith in her, she deserves that. Much easier said than done.
i asked Master this morning if He'd allow me to go see my Grandma for a few days. i need to see her and i would like to go before the snow flies. i haven't been to see my Mom's grave marker yet and i could stop up there on the way to see her. i'd love to take some flowers to my Mom's grave and just sit and chat with her a bit. i know very well that she's not there, but maybe i'll take a little comfort in knowing that i'm near what used to be her. Her birthday was October 13th, i'm going to see if He'll allow me to go around that date. Maybe if i'm really good, He'll let me go and not be mad at me. It's always tense when i visit my family. Maybe this time it wouldn't be so bad. That's what i'm hoping for anyway. =)
Well i'm off to the doctor in just a little while, i need to get rid of this cough i've had for two weeks!
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Short Update
It seems like we're always busy and have lots of things going on, yet when i sit down here to type, i can't really think of what to say or what has been taking all of our time. We've just been spending a lot of time outside working in the yard. It's been so very hot here that even the smallest tasks seem to take forever because the humidity just wears us out so quickly.
What we feared would happen did in fact happen. We lost our little dog and even though we knew it was coming, we weren't ready for it and it's always so very very hard. The only comfort is knowing that she went on her own, in her own time and we didn't have to make the decision whether or not it was her time. i miss her, i look for her all over the house and i know that our other little dog is missing her.
Master has had another bought of bad luck with His computer and it appears we'll be buying yet another hard drive for His computer. It might even be that He's lost a lot of things that He had on His computer that were very important to Him, pictures being one of the main things. i still have hope that He'll be able to get them back but maybe i'm just being optimistic.
Just like any couple we have our ups and downs and lately we've been on a bit of a roller coaster. my sister always seems to be at the brunt of Master's anger and i really wish that weren't true. i don't know if i'll ever be welcome to chat to my sister or much less even talk about her in front of Master. i try hard not to say anything about her in front of Master and most times when she calls, i leave the room so as not to disturb Him with my phone call. The sad thing for me is that she's the only one i have to talk to other than Master and His Mom. So i cling to our conversations now that my Mom is gone more than i ever did. But it's hard to try to have a relationship with her when i know that Master has so much hate for her. i have a feeling that it's not something that will soon pass, if ever. But it's something that i do pray for, for sure.
Well it's pretty late and i think we're headed into town tomorrow for Master's hard drive so i better cut this short.
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
What we feared would happen did in fact happen. We lost our little dog and even though we knew it was coming, we weren't ready for it and it's always so very very hard. The only comfort is knowing that she went on her own, in her own time and we didn't have to make the decision whether or not it was her time. i miss her, i look for her all over the house and i know that our other little dog is missing her.
Master has had another bought of bad luck with His computer and it appears we'll be buying yet another hard drive for His computer. It might even be that He's lost a lot of things that He had on His computer that were very important to Him, pictures being one of the main things. i still have hope that He'll be able to get them back but maybe i'm just being optimistic.
Just like any couple we have our ups and downs and lately we've been on a bit of a roller coaster. my sister always seems to be at the brunt of Master's anger and i really wish that weren't true. i don't know if i'll ever be welcome to chat to my sister or much less even talk about her in front of Master. i try hard not to say anything about her in front of Master and most times when she calls, i leave the room so as not to disturb Him with my phone call. The sad thing for me is that she's the only one i have to talk to other than Master and His Mom. So i cling to our conversations now that my Mom is gone more than i ever did. But it's hard to try to have a relationship with her when i know that Master has so much hate for her. i have a feeling that it's not something that will soon pass, if ever. But it's something that i do pray for, for sure.
Well it's pretty late and i think we're headed into town tomorrow for Master's hard drive so i better cut this short.
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
Thursday, July 26, 2007
been too long...
I just looked at the last time i made a real update and it's been wayyy too long. So before Master hollers at me for not posting, i thought i better get on it!
We've been busy it seems but it doesn't appear as though we have much accomplished for the time we've spent outside. We're putting in a couple large rock gardens and we just got working on preparing the ground for them and the trimmer ran out of string, so Master is off to the store for more string. Our projects progress very slowly and i'm not sure why, if it's because of poor planning or if we're just not as prepared as we should be.
Master is also going to build a deck around the pool and it's going to be a huge project, especially because i'm not much help and i'm not sure if His dad is going to be able to help Him much either. Not to mention the heat right now is pretty intense and we don't have all that much shade. i guess my job will be water girl!
We have a sick puppy, we're taking her to the doctor tomorrow but i'm really worried about her. She's Master's baby, she's always been a Daddy's girl and i hate to think that anything would happen to her. We've been trying to give her just about anything we think she'll eat and she's not keeping much down, so i'm just not sure how long she can hang on. For right now though, i just want to spend as much time with her as we can when she's not sleeping.
Master just called and He'll be home soon, so i better be ready to get to work as soon as He gets home! Sorry for such a short update!
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
We've been busy it seems but it doesn't appear as though we have much accomplished for the time we've spent outside. We're putting in a couple large rock gardens and we just got working on preparing the ground for them and the trimmer ran out of string, so Master is off to the store for more string. Our projects progress very slowly and i'm not sure why, if it's because of poor planning or if we're just not as prepared as we should be.
Master is also going to build a deck around the pool and it's going to be a huge project, especially because i'm not much help and i'm not sure if His dad is going to be able to help Him much either. Not to mention the heat right now is pretty intense and we don't have all that much shade. i guess my job will be water girl!
We have a sick puppy, we're taking her to the doctor tomorrow but i'm really worried about her. She's Master's baby, she's always been a Daddy's girl and i hate to think that anything would happen to her. We've been trying to give her just about anything we think she'll eat and she's not keeping much down, so i'm just not sure how long she can hang on. For right now though, i just want to spend as much time with her as we can when she's not sleeping.
Master just called and He'll be home soon, so i better be ready to get to work as soon as He gets home! Sorry for such a short update!
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
Monday, July 16, 2007
Monday, July 02, 2007
Summer Fun!
Master's fishing buddy is on vacation again this week. So that means lots of fishing and suppers at the cabin with our friends and their horrid children. i love our friends, they are great fun and i have a wonderful time with both of them. i just wish i dealt better with their kids. i don't have children so it's very hard to for me to judge a good parent from a bad parent. i was intensely involved in raising my niece and nephew however. While my sister wasn't an "all star" parent, she was consistent and i remember almost no back talk and disobedience. It could have been because they were raised the old fashioned way, with their mom, grandma and aunt all involved in their upbringing. They had many adults watching them and when i look back on it, a really well rounded support system. They knew who to go to for what, they knew what they could and couldn't get away with and when things went south for them, they knew we would all be there for them, to hold them and make things better.
These children are altogether different. They have terribly smart mouths and the middle child is the most defiant thing i've ever seen. Her mother can "forbid" her from doing a particular activity and she'll press on even further. In a word, they are bad. i won't blame it all on the kids though, the mom and dad are lazy and more often than not, they take the easy way out and look the other way. This drives Master and i crazy. We don't want to see them abuse their kids in any way, we just want them to make them mind, and if it means a swat on the bottom to get their attention, then so be it. When i was helping raise my sister's kids, we never hit them, not once, we didn't need to. They knew how far they could go and the rules were clear. In a nutshell, this makes my time down at the cabin, stressful. i am in no position to correct these kids and it would be inappropriate for Master or i to say anything to them. When i see them doing something that might potentially harm them or someone else, then i say something, but that's the only time.
Master told me yesterday that i've said so many times that i need friends and i need to have things to do, so when it's time to go to the cabin, i need to suck it up and just go and have fun. While i do that, i go when it's time, i don't actively seek out spending time down there when Master is fishing because it's just too much. It takes soooo much energy for me to be around those kids, i'm wiped out by the time we come home. These vacation weeks are just about enough to drive me into the ground. i'm used to spending one night a week with them and on vacation weeks we are there 4 or 5 nights. All i can hope for is that the 4th of July activities wear the kids out some and they are in bed at a decent time.
my sister called this morning to say that some time in the last month or so, my grandma had a "silent heart attack". The doctor and my sister both agreed they wouldn't tell her, it would only make her very nervous and no good would come of it at all. Grandma can be confused at times and get things a little mixed up, but for the most part, she's still all there and she would do nothing but worry herself into the ground. The doctor said that she'll have another heart attack, at some point and most likely that would be "it" for her. We're celebrating her 100th birthday in a couple weeks and i'm afraid that will be the very last time i see her. But you never know, she might be around for a while yet. She's a major pain in the rump but she's my grandma and i love her dearly. It will be hard for me when she goes, she was so important to me when i was young. Going to grandma and grandpa's house was a safe haven for me. Those are the very best childhood memories i have.
Speaking of her 100th birthday, i believe i'm going to the party with a friend. Master isn't the least bit interested in seeing my sister and my whole family will be there. i would like to spend a little time with them so i'm going with my oldest friend. i haven't driven that far in a very long time, but i won't be alone and i'm sure we'll do just fine. Just thinking about it reminds me that i'll need to look up some directions just to see how far it is.
Master and i have been plugging away at our projects and they are all slow going. Not much will get done this week with the holiday, but there's not a deadline or a rush on anything. The only thing that "needs" to be done is the kitchen faucet. It's gone from a drip to a steady stream. i need to get the cupboard under the sink cleaned out so Master and practice his contortions and install a new faucet. That having been said, nothing is getting done with me sitting at this evil machine wasting my life away!
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
These children are altogether different. They have terribly smart mouths and the middle child is the most defiant thing i've ever seen. Her mother can "forbid" her from doing a particular activity and she'll press on even further. In a word, they are bad. i won't blame it all on the kids though, the mom and dad are lazy and more often than not, they take the easy way out and look the other way. This drives Master and i crazy. We don't want to see them abuse their kids in any way, we just want them to make them mind, and if it means a swat on the bottom to get their attention, then so be it. When i was helping raise my sister's kids, we never hit them, not once, we didn't need to. They knew how far they could go and the rules were clear. In a nutshell, this makes my time down at the cabin, stressful. i am in no position to correct these kids and it would be inappropriate for Master or i to say anything to them. When i see them doing something that might potentially harm them or someone else, then i say something, but that's the only time.
Master told me yesterday that i've said so many times that i need friends and i need to have things to do, so when it's time to go to the cabin, i need to suck it up and just go and have fun. While i do that, i go when it's time, i don't actively seek out spending time down there when Master is fishing because it's just too much. It takes soooo much energy for me to be around those kids, i'm wiped out by the time we come home. These vacation weeks are just about enough to drive me into the ground. i'm used to spending one night a week with them and on vacation weeks we are there 4 or 5 nights. All i can hope for is that the 4th of July activities wear the kids out some and they are in bed at a decent time.
my sister called this morning to say that some time in the last month or so, my grandma had a "silent heart attack". The doctor and my sister both agreed they wouldn't tell her, it would only make her very nervous and no good would come of it at all. Grandma can be confused at times and get things a little mixed up, but for the most part, she's still all there and she would do nothing but worry herself into the ground. The doctor said that she'll have another heart attack, at some point and most likely that would be "it" for her. We're celebrating her 100th birthday in a couple weeks and i'm afraid that will be the very last time i see her. But you never know, she might be around for a while yet. She's a major pain in the rump but she's my grandma and i love her dearly. It will be hard for me when she goes, she was so important to me when i was young. Going to grandma and grandpa's house was a safe haven for me. Those are the very best childhood memories i have.
Speaking of her 100th birthday, i believe i'm going to the party with a friend. Master isn't the least bit interested in seeing my sister and my whole family will be there. i would like to spend a little time with them so i'm going with my oldest friend. i haven't driven that far in a very long time, but i won't be alone and i'm sure we'll do just fine. Just thinking about it reminds me that i'll need to look up some directions just to see how far it is.
Master and i have been plugging away at our projects and they are all slow going. Not much will get done this week with the holiday, but there's not a deadline or a rush on anything. The only thing that "needs" to be done is the kitchen faucet. It's gone from a drip to a steady stream. i need to get the cupboard under the sink cleaned out so Master and practice his contortions and install a new faucet. That having been said, nothing is getting done with me sitting at this evil machine wasting my life away!
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
Monday, June 18, 2007
Time Flies
i can't believe it's been so long since i've written. Last week was a really busy week for us and i suspect that time just got away from me. We are beginning about a million projects inside as well as outside. We've decided to bring the laundry room upstairs. We use our third bedroom as a bird room, a place for the dogs to stay while we're out and basically not much else. So instead of constantly wrestle with carrying laundry up and down the stairs for an eternity we're choosing to make life a bit easier. We're also have some trouble with our water pipes and that is our current challenge.
i'm trying to simplify a bit and i started in the master bath today, trying to organize medicine and get rid of old containers that i swear mutliply when i'm not looking. There is a lot to be done but i'm taking baby steps. Today i definately made some progress in the bathroom and i'll keep plugging away at it. Anything is better than doing nothing!
i've found some new bathroom rugs and accessories that i'd like to have and i can't justify getting all new stuff for a messy bathroom, so that's my current project. i think we're going shopping Thursday so i'm giving myself until Wednesday to get it cleaned up. This coming weekend Master has another wedding reception to DJ, so we'll be doing a bit of preparing for that this week as well.
Hopefully i'll be able to report that i've at least completed one project by the end of the week. Like my Grandma always used to tell me when i was cleaning, pick one thing up, and put it away. That's how i've learned how to tackle big projects, that way i don't get overwhelmed hehe.
i hope you all are enjoying the warm summer weather!
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
i'm trying to simplify a bit and i started in the master bath today, trying to organize medicine and get rid of old containers that i swear mutliply when i'm not looking. There is a lot to be done but i'm taking baby steps. Today i definately made some progress in the bathroom and i'll keep plugging away at it. Anything is better than doing nothing!
i've found some new bathroom rugs and accessories that i'd like to have and i can't justify getting all new stuff for a messy bathroom, so that's my current project. i think we're going shopping Thursday so i'm giving myself until Wednesday to get it cleaned up. This coming weekend Master has another wedding reception to DJ, so we'll be doing a bit of preparing for that this week as well.
Hopefully i'll be able to report that i've at least completed one project by the end of the week. Like my Grandma always used to tell me when i was cleaning, pick one thing up, and put it away. That's how i've learned how to tackle big projects, that way i don't get overwhelmed hehe.
i hope you all are enjoying the warm summer weather!
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
Thursday, June 07, 2007
The calm after the storm???
More bad weather in the area. Now that we've had such a close call i suppose it's natural to be more than a little concerned that we won't be so lucky two times in a row. We've had the TV on for a while now and there are more tornados in the area and thunderstorms coming this way. i think it's interesting that i've never in my life been through a tornado and now it seems they are all around us.
i finally went to the doctor yesterday after i had trouble with my eye and my throat just hadn't let up with the pain and trouble swallowing. Turns out i the doctor basically just said that it's just a normal cold and it'll pass. i was happy to hear it and a little disgusted that i gave in and went to the doctor. i've always thought it was silly to go to the doctor for a cold, but i wasn't convinced it was just a cold. No harm done i suppose just seems like a bit of a waste of time and money. The cough medicine he gave me though is nothing short of a miracle. i went to bed and didn't take it, i wasn't going to take it if i didn't really need it. i started coughing, i got up took the medicine and never coughed again. i've never had a cough medicine that actually worked. Good stuff!!!
Master and i were going to spend the day out of town today when i asked Him if we could please postpone our trip until tomorrow. i really just thought i needed a whole day to stay home, rest and nap if i wanted without going anywhere at all. He said that it was fine and we'll be out all day tomorrow. This next week will be a busy one as well as our friends who have the cabin will be on vacation and at the cabin the whole week. That means a lot of fishing for Master and lots of cooking i would assume for me. i'm just spending the rest of the day putter around and doing a few things that i haven't taken time for in a while. i might even color my hair a little later. i haven't colored it since before my Mom died and it really needs it.
Not much else going on today, assuming we are spared again from the path of the storms. Thanks to those of you who are thinking about us. *hugs*
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
i finally went to the doctor yesterday after i had trouble with my eye and my throat just hadn't let up with the pain and trouble swallowing. Turns out i the doctor basically just said that it's just a normal cold and it'll pass. i was happy to hear it and a little disgusted that i gave in and went to the doctor. i've always thought it was silly to go to the doctor for a cold, but i wasn't convinced it was just a cold. No harm done i suppose just seems like a bit of a waste of time and money. The cough medicine he gave me though is nothing short of a miracle. i went to bed and didn't take it, i wasn't going to take it if i didn't really need it. i started coughing, i got up took the medicine and never coughed again. i've never had a cough medicine that actually worked. Good stuff!!!
Master and i were going to spend the day out of town today when i asked Him if we could please postpone our trip until tomorrow. i really just thought i needed a whole day to stay home, rest and nap if i wanted without going anywhere at all. He said that it was fine and we'll be out all day tomorrow. This next week will be a busy one as well as our friends who have the cabin will be on vacation and at the cabin the whole week. That means a lot of fishing for Master and lots of cooking i would assume for me. i'm just spending the rest of the day putter around and doing a few things that i haven't taken time for in a while. i might even color my hair a little later. i haven't colored it since before my Mom died and it really needs it.
Not much else going on today, assuming we are spared again from the path of the storms. Thanks to those of you who are thinking about us. *hugs*
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
Sunday, June 03, 2007
Close Call
Yesterday at noon i lost internet connection so i went to the kitchen to make a cup of tea. i turned the kettle on and went to the back door to watch the rain when i looked over at the neighbors house. It looked like it was on fire at first glace, then i realized the "black smoke" was really a funnel cloud. Yes, a real funnel cloud, as in tornado. It was less than a foot ball field away from our house. i ran to get Master up and we gathered up all our animals and ran to the basement. The aftermath of the tornado was devistating to some. As far as us, we came out unscathed. We lost a bit of food because we had no power for 28 hours, but other than that, we're fine.
Many people weren't so lucky, some lost their entire house and others sustained serious damage. From what we've heard so far though, there were no lives lost, thankfully. It's become somewhat difficult to get in and out of our small town as they say they are trying to protect us from looters. We're supposed to wear wrist bands to prove we are residents of this town. Master is less than thrilled about having to show ID or proof of His identity to enter His own home. But i think they are trying to protect us.
We feel really fortunate that we were unharmed and no one we know was hurt or had any damage to their property either. It was so close to us and it could have been devistating.
i've had a cold this week and last night i went to sleep at 7pm and although i was up and down a couple hours here and there, i basically slept until 3pm today. We went to our friends cabin for supper and right after supper i curled up on the couch to watch a movie and slept for several hours there too. i guess i just need the sleep. Master came in to the bedroom around 1pm and asked me if i was going to get up and i said "not unless You need me, i can't keep my eyes open". Then a couple hours later the power came back on and we felt like we had entered the 21st century again hehe.
We bought a Flowering Plum tree and as soon as we get the new well water hooked up for irrigation i'm going to plant it in the front yard. i hope that it grows to be as beautiful as the one my Mom had in her yard. i have yet to get any flowers for my pots for the porch or patio, i think i'll see if Master will take me one day this week. It's late and i should have had them for 3 weeks already.
Master did a little bit of fishing tonight and i think He's going for a little while tomorrow as well. They sure do have a good time, even if the fish catching is bad, the fishing and conversation is always good. i'm happy He enjoys His friend so much and i'm getting to be closer and closer to his wife. Good times!
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
Many people weren't so lucky, some lost their entire house and others sustained serious damage. From what we've heard so far though, there were no lives lost, thankfully. It's become somewhat difficult to get in and out of our small town as they say they are trying to protect us from looters. We're supposed to wear wrist bands to prove we are residents of this town. Master is less than thrilled about having to show ID or proof of His identity to enter His own home. But i think they are trying to protect us.
We feel really fortunate that we were unharmed and no one we know was hurt or had any damage to their property either. It was so close to us and it could have been devistating.
i've had a cold this week and last night i went to sleep at 7pm and although i was up and down a couple hours here and there, i basically slept until 3pm today. We went to our friends cabin for supper and right after supper i curled up on the couch to watch a movie and slept for several hours there too. i guess i just need the sleep. Master came in to the bedroom around 1pm and asked me if i was going to get up and i said "not unless You need me, i can't keep my eyes open". Then a couple hours later the power came back on and we felt like we had entered the 21st century again hehe.
We bought a Flowering Plum tree and as soon as we get the new well water hooked up for irrigation i'm going to plant it in the front yard. i hope that it grows to be as beautiful as the one my Mom had in her yard. i have yet to get any flowers for my pots for the porch or patio, i think i'll see if Master will take me one day this week. It's late and i should have had them for 3 weeks already.
Master did a little bit of fishing tonight and i think He's going for a little while tomorrow as well. They sure do have a good time, even if the fish catching is bad, the fishing and conversation is always good. i'm happy He enjoys His friend so much and i'm getting to be closer and closer to his wife. Good times!
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
Friday, May 11, 2007
i'm a spoiled little girl
Yesterday was a really fun day. Master and i spent the day in the "city" shopping and just doing some browsing. We just had our deep well dug this week and now we'll actually be able to keep a yard in, i'm hoping to spruce it up some. We looked at some patio furniture to put on the cement patio Master put in last year and i would like something that might match the black wrought iron furniture that we got from my Mom. Seems to be slim pickens out there right now but i haven't given up hope just yet.
We went to Best Buy for a USB cable and i left with a new 22inch wide screen monitor. i have been wanting a new monitor for quite some time and surprised myself not to mention Master when i saw this fairly expensive monitor and said... "OK, lets get it". He just looked at me like i had lost my marbles as i rarely if ever just say "lets get it". i loved my old monitor but over the last 2 or 3 weeks it had gotten a terrible glare that i just couldn't clean off and it was so huge on my desk that i was ready to try something different. Well a wide screen monitor is certainly "something different". There is still some adjusting to be done on the resolution as i'm just not getting any younger and i need the print to be a bit larger. The picture itself is amazing and although i've gotten a fair amount of "ribbing" from Master i'm pretty sure He's happy to see me enjoying my new toy.
We had a really nice day yesterday and even though our trip wasn't all that fruitful we did get a lot of ideas for prices of things that we have in mind to do this year. Tomorrow Master will spend the afternoon fishing and again i'll go to the cabin for dinner. i'll be spending some time cooking again tomorrow and it's nice that i'll have something to keep me busy while Master is gone. Sunday of course is Mother's Day and i'm doing my best not to think about what i'm missing. i saw some orchids at Wal Mart yesterday and it was hard to look at them and not buy one for my Mom. i always bought 2 every year, one for my Mom and one for my Grandma. When i was picking out cards i saw some lovely ones that i knew my Mom would have loved. It's not as hard as i thought it would have been, but Mothers Day isn't here yet and i've no idea how i'll handle the day. One day at a time in this case i think.
Happy Mothers Day to all you lovely ladies!
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
We went to Best Buy for a USB cable and i left with a new 22inch wide screen monitor. i have been wanting a new monitor for quite some time and surprised myself not to mention Master when i saw this fairly expensive monitor and said... "OK, lets get it". He just looked at me like i had lost my marbles as i rarely if ever just say "lets get it". i loved my old monitor but over the last 2 or 3 weeks it had gotten a terrible glare that i just couldn't clean off and it was so huge on my desk that i was ready to try something different. Well a wide screen monitor is certainly "something different". There is still some adjusting to be done on the resolution as i'm just not getting any younger and i need the print to be a bit larger. The picture itself is amazing and although i've gotten a fair amount of "ribbing" from Master i'm pretty sure He's happy to see me enjoying my new toy.
We had a really nice day yesterday and even though our trip wasn't all that fruitful we did get a lot of ideas for prices of things that we have in mind to do this year. Tomorrow Master will spend the afternoon fishing and again i'll go to the cabin for dinner. i'll be spending some time cooking again tomorrow and it's nice that i'll have something to keep me busy while Master is gone. Sunday of course is Mother's Day and i'm doing my best not to think about what i'm missing. i saw some orchids at Wal Mart yesterday and it was hard to look at them and not buy one for my Mom. i always bought 2 every year, one for my Mom and one for my Grandma. When i was picking out cards i saw some lovely ones that i knew my Mom would have loved. It's not as hard as i thought it would have been, but Mothers Day isn't here yet and i've no idea how i'll handle the day. One day at a time in this case i think.
Happy Mothers Day to all you lovely ladies!
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Just another day
i'm not so fond of this whole new blog thing. i have to sign in each time i want to post and then half the time it tells me my sign in name is wrong. Bleh, i like to just click on stuff and have it work! Silly me!!
Master is determined to get some work done around here, although the spirit is willing, the flesh is weak. He wanted me to get Him up earlier than normal today however when i went to get Him, He told me there was no need to get up quite that early. Later when i do get Him up, i'm worried He'll be angry that i've let Him sleep. That's a lose-lose situation right there.
i received the last of my inheritance money on Monday. Honestly, it's money i wish i never had to see. i know that my Mom would be happy that she was able to leave me something nice. i just wish i didn't have it for that reason. So while i'm sure we'll do some nice things with it, things that she would love, i just wish it wasn't there at all. i'm going to go look for a new tree for the front yard one day soon. i'd like a flowering plum tree. She had the most beautiful one in her front yard and each spring it was amazing. Easily the most spectacular tree on her block. It won't get all that big but it will be a nice tree that will attract some humming birds to the flowers. For just a sapling, they are quite expensive so i'll need to be sure we've got the irrigation system to support a new tree before we spend the money on it.
As warm as it was on Saturday today it's just that cool outside. i've had all the windows open to air out the house and this morning it's almost too chilly to keep them open. We were even toying with the idea of turning the air on because it was so uncomfortably warm in here. Now i' m sure glad we didn't.
i think i'll get a few things done up here before it's time to wake Master up. Have a great day!
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
Master is determined to get some work done around here, although the spirit is willing, the flesh is weak. He wanted me to get Him up earlier than normal today however when i went to get Him, He told me there was no need to get up quite that early. Later when i do get Him up, i'm worried He'll be angry that i've let Him sleep. That's a lose-lose situation right there.
i received the last of my inheritance money on Monday. Honestly, it's money i wish i never had to see. i know that my Mom would be happy that she was able to leave me something nice. i just wish i didn't have it for that reason. So while i'm sure we'll do some nice things with it, things that she would love, i just wish it wasn't there at all. i'm going to go look for a new tree for the front yard one day soon. i'd like a flowering plum tree. She had the most beautiful one in her front yard and each spring it was amazing. Easily the most spectacular tree on her block. It won't get all that big but it will be a nice tree that will attract some humming birds to the flowers. For just a sapling, they are quite expensive so i'll need to be sure we've got the irrigation system to support a new tree before we spend the money on it.
As warm as it was on Saturday today it's just that cool outside. i've had all the windows open to air out the house and this morning it's almost too chilly to keep them open. We were even toying with the idea of turning the air on because it was so uncomfortably warm in here. Now i' m sure glad we didn't.
i think i'll get a few things done up here before it's time to wake Master up. Have a great day!
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
Monday, April 30, 2007
Feels Like Summer
All of a sudden i'm waking up by kicking off the covers and find myself looking for the nearest fan to sit or stand in front of. i believe summer is very near. While i love summer activities, i'm not at all fond of the heat. Master is always talking about moving to Florida when the truth of the matter is, i enjoy cooler weather. i'm not a huge fan of the -20 days but i would rather bundle up than roast.
Master sent me to one our favorite journals last night and i heard the most beautiful song. It really tugged at my heartstrings. If you're into sappy music, you should check it out at HomelivingHelper
This is also an amazing blog for women who are interested in a more old fashioned traditional homemaker role in the home. There are tips on cooking and decorating as well as how to be a bit more organized with your daily routine. i love this site.
i have another doctor appointment this week. i'm hoping that i might find some answers to my libido issue. i've heard good things about this doctor and even more encouraging things about one specific medicine that is supposed to help with Polycystic Ovaries. i'm looking forward to at least learning more about it. It certainly can't hurt to look into it.
i find myself having to stop and grab at my chest and gasp for air a bit less often. This happens when i'm in the middle of any task at all and i remember that Mom is gone. It hits me like truck and my heart literally hurts. i never know what might trigger it or when it will happen, but it's happening a bit less often. It happened last night for the first time in a few days. i took the dogs outside and i've been going out with them, i just feel better if i'm out there with them, less chance of them trying to escape out our somewhat broken down (not even all that old) fence. It was a lovely night and the moon was just starting to come out and it really felt like a summer evening. It wasn't quite dark yet and it was the time of day when i would call her just to say hi. i thought just for a split second, i'll run in and grab the phone while i'm out here with the dogs and call Mom. i took a step toward the door and of course, stopped on a dime. It hurt so bad i grabbed our outdoor swing and just stood there until i could catch my breath again.
i miss her most on Sunday. Sunday when i was younger was always a stay home and hang with Mom day. Sometimes we'd go shopping for the afternoon but most days we would just hang out, i'd sit at the kitchen table for hours and look through clothes catalogs and she would just putter around the house. Then we'd start dinner for whoever was going to be coming over that night. In the later years we'd sit out on the porch in the nice weather, this was when she learned that she didn't always have to be working, when she started learning how to relax and just sit and read or visit. She wasn't very good at that until her later years. She always thought that there was something she should be doing or something that needed done. She was right, there was always something to do or something that needed done, but she learned that it would keep until another day. So Sunday nights are the hardest for me. When i moved out on my own i still spent most Sundays there with her and my grandma. It was one day that i enjoyed the most. One thing that scares me a little about having these episodes less often is that i need to miss her, i don't want to stop missing her, ever. Once that's gone i'm afraid i'll stop thinking about her as much and eventually go a whole day or two without thinking about her. i'm not ready for that, or maybe i just think i'm not ready. i don't cry as much as i used to, i know that. i'm just letting this happen as it comes and trying not to rush it or push it away. i don't know what else to do.
Master and i have been talking more lately i think. We've certainly had a rough time this last month or so and we both want to make things work, so we talk. Not always about anything important, we just chat. i hope He's feeling better about things. We've been talking about some type of employment for him and i believe He's going to start looking. i think that will help things a lot. We'll have to see though.
Have a great afternoon!!
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
Master sent me to one our favorite journals last night and i heard the most beautiful song. It really tugged at my heartstrings. If you're into sappy music, you should check it out at HomelivingHelper
This is also an amazing blog for women who are interested in a more old fashioned traditional homemaker role in the home. There are tips on cooking and decorating as well as how to be a bit more organized with your daily routine. i love this site.
i have another doctor appointment this week. i'm hoping that i might find some answers to my libido issue. i've heard good things about this doctor and even more encouraging things about one specific medicine that is supposed to help with Polycystic Ovaries. i'm looking forward to at least learning more about it. It certainly can't hurt to look into it.
i find myself having to stop and grab at my chest and gasp for air a bit less often. This happens when i'm in the middle of any task at all and i remember that Mom is gone. It hits me like truck and my heart literally hurts. i never know what might trigger it or when it will happen, but it's happening a bit less often. It happened last night for the first time in a few days. i took the dogs outside and i've been going out with them, i just feel better if i'm out there with them, less chance of them trying to escape out our somewhat broken down (not even all that old) fence. It was a lovely night and the moon was just starting to come out and it really felt like a summer evening. It wasn't quite dark yet and it was the time of day when i would call her just to say hi. i thought just for a split second, i'll run in and grab the phone while i'm out here with the dogs and call Mom. i took a step toward the door and of course, stopped on a dime. It hurt so bad i grabbed our outdoor swing and just stood there until i could catch my breath again.
i miss her most on Sunday. Sunday when i was younger was always a stay home and hang with Mom day. Sometimes we'd go shopping for the afternoon but most days we would just hang out, i'd sit at the kitchen table for hours and look through clothes catalogs and she would just putter around the house. Then we'd start dinner for whoever was going to be coming over that night. In the later years we'd sit out on the porch in the nice weather, this was when she learned that she didn't always have to be working, when she started learning how to relax and just sit and read or visit. She wasn't very good at that until her later years. She always thought that there was something she should be doing or something that needed done. She was right, there was always something to do or something that needed done, but she learned that it would keep until another day. So Sunday nights are the hardest for me. When i moved out on my own i still spent most Sundays there with her and my grandma. It was one day that i enjoyed the most. One thing that scares me a little about having these episodes less often is that i need to miss her, i don't want to stop missing her, ever. Once that's gone i'm afraid i'll stop thinking about her as much and eventually go a whole day or two without thinking about her. i'm not ready for that, or maybe i just think i'm not ready. i don't cry as much as i used to, i know that. i'm just letting this happen as it comes and trying not to rush it or push it away. i don't know what else to do.
Master and i have been talking more lately i think. We've certainly had a rough time this last month or so and we both want to make things work, so we talk. Not always about anything important, we just chat. i hope He's feeling better about things. We've been talking about some type of employment for him and i believe He's going to start looking. i think that will help things a lot. We'll have to see though.
Have a great afternoon!!
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Recipes
i sure would like some new ideas for dinners. Seems like when i think about making dinner i'm in a rut. i can't come up with anything new or exciting. i made goulash the other night for the first time and while this is far from earth shattering, it's something i had never made before and i was happy with the out come. i'm bad with coming up with new ideas for dinners. i have no imagination, when i'm hungry, i just want food. There must be some kind of web site out there just full of 30 minute meal ideas or something near to it. my search yeilded nothing though. So if there is anyone out there with some fairly easy ideas of something that just might be a bit different, i'm all ears!!!!
Not much new here still, it's been raining nearly non stop for 3 days now. i'm actually happy to see this much rain as it might mean that the water table down here is rising and we might have some water in our irrigation pump for the yard. We've been planning on putting in a deep well this summer and i'm pretty sure we'll go ahead with it either way, it just makes nervous each time i hear a stall in the water when i turn it on that this might be the last drop we get from our current water source. The river was very high so that's also a good thing, i guess it means that up north they got a lot of snow so that also helps.
i see the doctor tomorrow for a med update and review. i'm not expecting any changes but i sure would like to consider some other pain meds for my head. This week has been particularly bad as it's "that time" for me. This is always the very worst time and the pain is nearly uncontrolable. i'm limited as to the meds i can take to prevent rebound headaches and all narcotics have the potential for rebound. The one med that really works for me is $210 for 9 pills. While we could financially do it, i'm not sure for how long. my insurance doesn't cover any of that cost, at all. i'm still waiting for that miracle drug to be out put out by that miracle drug company who isn't out to make a mint off people in pain. HAHA... i think i'll be waiting a while!!!
Well... that's it for me, i'm off to toss another load of laundry in. Take care!
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
Not much new here still, it's been raining nearly non stop for 3 days now. i'm actually happy to see this much rain as it might mean that the water table down here is rising and we might have some water in our irrigation pump for the yard. We've been planning on putting in a deep well this summer and i'm pretty sure we'll go ahead with it either way, it just makes nervous each time i hear a stall in the water when i turn it on that this might be the last drop we get from our current water source. The river was very high so that's also a good thing, i guess it means that up north they got a lot of snow so that also helps.
i see the doctor tomorrow for a med update and review. i'm not expecting any changes but i sure would like to consider some other pain meds for my head. This week has been particularly bad as it's "that time" for me. This is always the very worst time and the pain is nearly uncontrolable. i'm limited as to the meds i can take to prevent rebound headaches and all narcotics have the potential for rebound. The one med that really works for me is $210 for 9 pills. While we could financially do it, i'm not sure for how long. my insurance doesn't cover any of that cost, at all. i'm still waiting for that miracle drug to be out put out by that miracle drug company who isn't out to make a mint off people in pain. HAHA... i think i'll be waiting a while!!!
Well... that's it for me, i'm off to toss another load of laundry in. Take care!
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Little projects
i've been trying to get back on track a little bit with my sleeping, going to bed a bit earlier and getting up a bit earlier. If i get up a little earlier i get a few things done. i'm getting caught up on my laundry and getting the house cleaned up a bit. Nothing major just little things that need doing. i always feel good when i've gotten a little bit done.
i'm still searching for some tattoo art. i found a huge web site with a lot of nice pictures, but i'm still looking for something with more of a BDSM feeling. Those seem few and far between. There must be an untapped recourse out there that i just haven't come across.
Master's Mom called to tell us one of His sister's horses isn't doing well. i hate to hear that about any animal, she dearly loves her horses and i'm really hoping he makes it out of the woods very soon. He's a beautiful animal and she's spent so much time and money training him that it would be an enormous loss.
Not much else is new really, just trying to get a few things done around here. Master has a list of things He's wanting to work on and i'm sure with the warmer weather we'll be outside getting those things done. It's raining again today but it's been really warm. Typical Spring time!
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
i'm still searching for some tattoo art. i found a huge web site with a lot of nice pictures, but i'm still looking for something with more of a BDSM feeling. Those seem few and far between. There must be an untapped recourse out there that i just haven't come across.
Master's Mom called to tell us one of His sister's horses isn't doing well. i hate to hear that about any animal, she dearly loves her horses and i'm really hoping he makes it out of the woods very soon. He's a beautiful animal and she's spent so much time and money training him that it would be an enormous loss.
Not much else is new really, just trying to get a few things done around here. Master has a list of things He's wanting to work on and i'm sure with the warmer weather we'll be outside getting those things done. It's raining again today but it's been really warm. Typical Spring time!
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
Saturday, April 21, 2007
A little help
i failed an easy task. Last Thursday when Master and i had that long talk He told me that He wanted me to find some pictures of some tatoos that i liked. While i did do some searching, everything i found was protected and i either couldn't save the picture to show Him or they were thubnails and wouldn't let me open them up to see the larger version. Some even had floaters going through them so that you couldn't copy them. i am just looking for some sites that might have some interesting art that His initials might be incorporated into. i've done more searching this morning and i'm just not seeing anything that knocks me off my feet. i want to find something that i really love. So if anyone out there has any ideas of where i might be able to find some good quality pictures, please feel free to comment. Thanks!!!
Tonight we're going to the cabin for supper. We're grilling chicken and i'm going to make a broccoli casserole to take with. i have to find the recipe and run to the store yet, but i have a few hours before we have to go so there's no rush. Master is still snoozing on the couch and i'll wake Him in a bit to take me to the store. i love that He takes me where i want to go. i rarely drive although i can of course, it's just something that is nice to give up when i can.
Have a great weekend!!
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
Tonight we're going to the cabin for supper. We're grilling chicken and i'm going to make a broccoli casserole to take with. i have to find the recipe and run to the store yet, but i have a few hours before we have to go so there's no rush. Master is still snoozing on the couch and i'll wake Him in a bit to take me to the store. i love that He takes me where i want to go. i rarely drive although i can of course, it's just something that is nice to give up when i can.
Have a great weekend!!
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Sunny Day!
The weather here today is perfect, sun sun and more sun. There's an awesome breeze blowing in through the windows and the smell of spring is beautiful. We had a hard frost the other night and i saw lots of gardens covered up to protect the tulips and other spring flowers. Tulips are my very favorite flower so i hope that they were saved. Pretty soon it will be nice enough outside for Master to take me to the park to feed the ducks and geese. Last time we were there it was still cold out and they were very agressive, i assume because they just aren't fed regularly during the colder months.
Master and i are out of here in a bit to do a little shopping and most likely some supper somewhere. There is what seems to be a mountain of laundry piled up that either i haven't noticed or chose not to notice. i need to get at that yet tonight when we get home. Laundry is my biggest downfall, i love to wash and dry and hate to put it all away. Sometimes i wish i had rules about chores, but i'm sure that will never happen because household things are just something Master isn't concerned about.
Well i'm off to iron a shirt for Master, can't have Him running about looking like a ragamuffin, now can i?
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
Master and i are out of here in a bit to do a little shopping and most likely some supper somewhere. There is what seems to be a mountain of laundry piled up that either i haven't noticed or chose not to notice. i need to get at that yet tonight when we get home. Laundry is my biggest downfall, i love to wash and dry and hate to put it all away. Sometimes i wish i had rules about chores, but i'm sure that will never happen because household things are just something Master isn't concerned about.
Well i'm off to iron a shirt for Master, can't have Him running about looking like a ragamuffin, now can i?
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
No idea what to call this
i'm running out of names for my entries or at least today i have no ideas. i think the reason that i haven't been posting much in the last few months is because i just don't have a lot to say. my mind races, i have a million things going on inside, yet when i sit down to write, i draw a blank.
i think things have been a bit better for us. We spent quite a bit of time this past weekend together and not playing everquest. Master had a DJ gig on Saturday night and it went well and i think it was one of the more enojyable ones he's done. He's getting a bit more comfortable with doing it, it's just stressful when drunk red necks come up and want to hear some song that no one in the world has heard of. Other than that, it's a pretty good time and for the time it takes, it's not bad money either. He doesn't "charge" anyone ever, so people tend to be more generous.
Sunday evening i made a nice dinner and we sat and watched several episodes of 24 that were on the DVR waiting for us to watch. We love that show, it's really exciting and we're completely hooked. Master should be able to go fishing soon if the river doesn't rise any more. It's been very high and not safe enough to go out on yet, but maybe in another week or 2 they'll be able to get out there. It's still a bit too early as i'm sure it's still pretty cold out on the water.
i haven't been sleeping well. Two, three or four hours tops and then i'm awake and can't go back to sleep. The only bad thing about that is then i'm really tired just a few hours later. i have't been napping either because i know that just messes up your system. The bad thing about not sleeping is that it really messes my head up. i'm sure it will pass. Just after my Mom died i started sleeping all the way through the night, sometimes not even waking to use the bathroom and that's incredible for me. That seems to have taken a dramatic change now though. i'm sure i'll get back to normal again, maybe it's the weather or just changing seasons.
Have a great day!
MD's treasure
i think things have been a bit better for us. We spent quite a bit of time this past weekend together and not playing everquest. Master had a DJ gig on Saturday night and it went well and i think it was one of the more enojyable ones he's done. He's getting a bit more comfortable with doing it, it's just stressful when drunk red necks come up and want to hear some song that no one in the world has heard of. Other than that, it's a pretty good time and for the time it takes, it's not bad money either. He doesn't "charge" anyone ever, so people tend to be more generous.
Sunday evening i made a nice dinner and we sat and watched several episodes of 24 that were on the DVR waiting for us to watch. We love that show, it's really exciting and we're completely hooked. Master should be able to go fishing soon if the river doesn't rise any more. It's been very high and not safe enough to go out on yet, but maybe in another week or 2 they'll be able to get out there. It's still a bit too early as i'm sure it's still pretty cold out on the water.
i haven't been sleeping well. Two, three or four hours tops and then i'm awake and can't go back to sleep. The only bad thing about that is then i'm really tired just a few hours later. i have't been napping either because i know that just messes up your system. The bad thing about not sleeping is that it really messes my head up. i'm sure it will pass. Just after my Mom died i started sleeping all the way through the night, sometimes not even waking to use the bathroom and that's incredible for me. That seems to have taken a dramatic change now though. i'm sure i'll get back to normal again, maybe it's the weather or just changing seasons.
Have a great day!
MD's treasure
Saturday, April 14, 2007
More posting....
Master and i had a very very long talk the other night and one of the many things He would like to see is more posting from me here. With the loss that i've suffered not just Mom but almost a feeling of abandonment by my entire family, this has been a very difficult time for me, to say the least. i haven't been dealing well with much or at least i should say i haven't been dealing with anything at all. i just don't do anything. i don't talk to Master and i have no interest in doing much of anything but sit at my computer and lose myself in a game where it's all fantasy and i don't have to think about reality. But Master has brought me back to real life once again. He's given me the opportunity i need to heal and He's also said that while i'm allowed to grieve, i'm not allowed to get lost. We went through rules and i was allowed to comment, most of my suggestions were over ruled as usual but there were some points that He was willing to compromise and that alone is amazing.
i think more than anything it was a grounding experience. He's just trying to bring me back to where i'm supposed to be and remind me of my place. A place that without the reminders could be lost on me. i do feel better about where we are headed as our future was unclear to me at times and i have to admit, i've not even spent much time thinking about our future. It's hard to look forward when you're completely stuck in rut and can't see above the sides (so to speak). He has also agreed to allow me some alone time now and then at His discretion to allow me to recharge. i am such an introvert that i need time alone to do absolutley nothing at all. That's how i recharge my batteries.
All in all it was a great talk and some good things came from it. i am still confident that we'll come through this stronger and closer than before.
MD's treasure
i think more than anything it was a grounding experience. He's just trying to bring me back to where i'm supposed to be and remind me of my place. A place that without the reminders could be lost on me. i do feel better about where we are headed as our future was unclear to me at times and i have to admit, i've not even spent much time thinking about our future. It's hard to look forward when you're completely stuck in rut and can't see above the sides (so to speak). He has also agreed to allow me some alone time now and then at His discretion to allow me to recharge. i am such an introvert that i need time alone to do absolutley nothing at all. That's how i recharge my batteries.
All in all it was a great talk and some good things came from it. i am still confident that we'll come through this stronger and closer than before.
MD's treasure
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
30 (more) Things about me
I was reading through past journal entries and came across my "100 things about me" post and i thought that some of that might be a bit outdated.
1. i was with my Mom when she died.
2. i grieve every hour of every day for the loss.
3. i love Easter and bunnies, especially the little chicks you see in the stores.
4. i love almost anything as long as it's pink!
5. i'm pretty sure i was born to be nocturnal, i would much rather sleep all day and be up all night.
6. i love sitting on the living room sofa wrapped up in "The Fuzzy" and watch TV with Master and the "kids".
7. i think Master is funny. (even when i try not to laugh, i still do)
8. Someday i'd like to have a great big swimming pool.
9. Someday i'd like to have a Cockatoo.
10. i have a one track mind.
11. i have a huge scar/hole on my back, i hate it!
12. i love purses, Master says i have way too many. (i'm not sure that possible)
13. my favorite ice cream is Mint Chocolate Chip.
14. i have a whole armoir full of jewelry and i still can't stop myself from looking at the jewelry counters.
15. The reality of never becoming a mother is very sad to me.
16. Sometimes i think women are best to be seen and not heard, much like a beautiful picture, to be taken in.
17. i think women are the most stunning creatures on the planet.
18. Shopping with Master is one of my all time favorite activities.
19. i don't like mice, i especially don't like them in the car!
20. Master says i'm going deaf.
21. i think Pizza should be a "food group"!
22. i also believe that Chocolate is one of life's little miracles.
23. i have a strong faith in God and believe that He answers prayers.
24. i love hearing different voices, i think british accents are amazing and could watch any Hugh Grant movie over and over, just to hear him speak.
25. Once i've heard a voice, i almost never forget it, even after many years.
26. i love to go to the park and feed the ducks.
27. i am a terrible procrastinator.
28. i used to love to talk on the phone, not as much anymore.
29. i take the hottest shower imaginable!
30. i love company, i wish i had people around me more often. (i get that from my Mom)
1. i was with my Mom when she died.
2. i grieve every hour of every day for the loss.
3. i love Easter and bunnies, especially the little chicks you see in the stores.
4. i love almost anything as long as it's pink!
5. i'm pretty sure i was born to be nocturnal, i would much rather sleep all day and be up all night.
6. i love sitting on the living room sofa wrapped up in "The Fuzzy" and watch TV with Master and the "kids".
7. i think Master is funny. (even when i try not to laugh, i still do)
8. Someday i'd like to have a great big swimming pool.
9. Someday i'd like to have a Cockatoo.
10. i have a one track mind.
11. i have a huge scar/hole on my back, i hate it!
12. i love purses, Master says i have way too many. (i'm not sure that possible)
13. my favorite ice cream is Mint Chocolate Chip.
14. i have a whole armoir full of jewelry and i still can't stop myself from looking at the jewelry counters.
15. The reality of never becoming a mother is very sad to me.
16. Sometimes i think women are best to be seen and not heard, much like a beautiful picture, to be taken in.
17. i think women are the most stunning creatures on the planet.
18. Shopping with Master is one of my all time favorite activities.
19. i don't like mice, i especially don't like them in the car!
20. Master says i'm going deaf.
21. i think Pizza should be a "food group"!
22. i also believe that Chocolate is one of life's little miracles.
23. i have a strong faith in God and believe that He answers prayers.
24. i love hearing different voices, i think british accents are amazing and could watch any Hugh Grant movie over and over, just to hear him speak.
25. Once i've heard a voice, i almost never forget it, even after many years.
26. i love to go to the park and feed the ducks.
27. i am a terrible procrastinator.
28. i used to love to talk on the phone, not as much anymore.
29. i take the hottest shower imaginable!
30. i love company, i wish i had people around me more often. (i get that from my Mom)
Friday, March 23, 2007
Ramblings, Mostly
Whenever i sit down to write here i always wish i had something "yummy" to write. Our normal every day life just isn't yummy. It's life. It's life as a Husband and wife and as a Master and His slave. From the outside looking in i think we look like an old fashioned couple. A wife who repects her Husband and doesn't try to take over the running of the household. At least i hope that is how it appears. Behind closed doors i have His rules to follow (some i do better at than others) and life is pretty much status quo.
i'm sure that i've written before i'm not a pain slut like many slaves are, Master has tried over the years to take me to a pleasurable place with pain and it's just not there for me. i endure it because i know it pleases Him, to an extent. He simply enjoys seeing me take pain just to please Him. We aren't as active in that way as we used to be. i know this last year has taken it's tole on us but that's certainly not the only reason. i wonder if He doesn't get as much out of it as He once did and feels as though it's just not worth the effort. Maybe we're just getting lazy. That could also be true. We spend way too many hours on line gaming, an activity that we both love but i'm sure it must have an impact on the time we spend on being us. i suppose we're in a rut, it's not a bad rut, i think we're both happy and content but no matter which way you look at it, it's a rut.
The other night i was in game talking to a friend and i had a conversation that i didn't want Master to read. It wasn't anything inappropriate from either end, i was just being selfish and silly. i wanted to protect this person that i barely know from the one Man i trust most in the world. Backwards? Stupid? Yep to both. i felt horrible the next day as He knew i would. He forgave me as i hoped He would but i still felt horrible. i hope i learned my lesson.
my sister is technically not allowed to call here. She has chosen to ignore Masters wishes and she calls whenever she pleases. Now while i've said in the past that i forgave her for treating me the way she did and calling me a thief and a liar, i can't be so sure that i have. More so lately i've wanted nothing to do with her or my brother. i just want to be left alone. i love them of course but i just feel like dealing with my sister right now is more trouble than it's worth to me. So maybe when i really look at it, i haven't forgiven her. She calls and i ignore her messages she emails me and i don't write back. In the past when she told me stories about her life or funny things that have happened, i was always all ears wanting more and thought they were the best stories i'd ever heard. Now when she calls and tells me what she's doing, i'm not rude, i don't say mean things, i'm just disinterested. Anymore i'm not even hurt. i feel like with my whole family so far away and Mom gone, it's time for me to completely focus on Master and i and our life here. i'm not saying i never want to see them again, i'm just saying i want a break. There is no easy way to tell her i want/need a break from her so i'm trying my best to keep my distance and perhaps she'll take the hint and leave me be for a while. my brother doesn't call me anyway and there's no threat that he'll even want to talk to me. i just need a break. A break to heal from the hurt she caused me and some time to grieve for the loss of the family i knew. That family is gone and it will never be the same again.
When Mom died she took with her more than her own presence in my life, she took the sense of family that i'd always known. It's ok, i'm not falling apart at the seams, i'm just adjusting to the new life that i know i'll have to make. i don't know if Master appreciates what has happened in my life or if He's just chosen not to take a good look at it. If He has, He says nothing. i guess He's just allowing me to find myself again, and try to find where i fit in now. He's really very very good to me, there's nothing He won't buy me, He'll take me anywhere i want to go and i think in His own way, He's just letting me heal. Last night i wanted to go shopping after dinner out with His parents. He didn't want to go but He took me anyway. He left me to browse and just be a girl. i haven't just "gone shopping" for no good reason for a very long time. He always finds funny things for me to look at or picks out something He'll know i'll love. He found the cutest bathrobe with little hearts all over it. Then His mom pointed out another one. Master loved the little heart robe and so did i, till i saw the next one. Perhaps the best robe ever made in the history of robes. Pink and ohhhh sooooo fluffy. Done deal and Master said i was to get that one. He always wants me to have what i want. It wasn't the cute little heart robe that He wanted.... it was what i wanted. These little things won't ever go unnoticed by me. So here i sit typing my blog entry surrounded by a little piece of heaven in my new pink bathrobe. Thank You Master!
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
i'm sure that i've written before i'm not a pain slut like many slaves are, Master has tried over the years to take me to a pleasurable place with pain and it's just not there for me. i endure it because i know it pleases Him, to an extent. He simply enjoys seeing me take pain just to please Him. We aren't as active in that way as we used to be. i know this last year has taken it's tole on us but that's certainly not the only reason. i wonder if He doesn't get as much out of it as He once did and feels as though it's just not worth the effort. Maybe we're just getting lazy. That could also be true. We spend way too many hours on line gaming, an activity that we both love but i'm sure it must have an impact on the time we spend on being us. i suppose we're in a rut, it's not a bad rut, i think we're both happy and content but no matter which way you look at it, it's a rut.
The other night i was in game talking to a friend and i had a conversation that i didn't want Master to read. It wasn't anything inappropriate from either end, i was just being selfish and silly. i wanted to protect this person that i barely know from the one Man i trust most in the world. Backwards? Stupid? Yep to both. i felt horrible the next day as He knew i would. He forgave me as i hoped He would but i still felt horrible. i hope i learned my lesson.
my sister is technically not allowed to call here. She has chosen to ignore Masters wishes and she calls whenever she pleases. Now while i've said in the past that i forgave her for treating me the way she did and calling me a thief and a liar, i can't be so sure that i have. More so lately i've wanted nothing to do with her or my brother. i just want to be left alone. i love them of course but i just feel like dealing with my sister right now is more trouble than it's worth to me. So maybe when i really look at it, i haven't forgiven her. She calls and i ignore her messages she emails me and i don't write back. In the past when she told me stories about her life or funny things that have happened, i was always all ears wanting more and thought they were the best stories i'd ever heard. Now when she calls and tells me what she's doing, i'm not rude, i don't say mean things, i'm just disinterested. Anymore i'm not even hurt. i feel like with my whole family so far away and Mom gone, it's time for me to completely focus on Master and i and our life here. i'm not saying i never want to see them again, i'm just saying i want a break. There is no easy way to tell her i want/need a break from her so i'm trying my best to keep my distance and perhaps she'll take the hint and leave me be for a while. my brother doesn't call me anyway and there's no threat that he'll even want to talk to me. i just need a break. A break to heal from the hurt she caused me and some time to grieve for the loss of the family i knew. That family is gone and it will never be the same again.
When Mom died she took with her more than her own presence in my life, she took the sense of family that i'd always known. It's ok, i'm not falling apart at the seams, i'm just adjusting to the new life that i know i'll have to make. i don't know if Master appreciates what has happened in my life or if He's just chosen not to take a good look at it. If He has, He says nothing. i guess He's just allowing me to find myself again, and try to find where i fit in now. He's really very very good to me, there's nothing He won't buy me, He'll take me anywhere i want to go and i think in His own way, He's just letting me heal. Last night i wanted to go shopping after dinner out with His parents. He didn't want to go but He took me anyway. He left me to browse and just be a girl. i haven't just "gone shopping" for no good reason for a very long time. He always finds funny things for me to look at or picks out something He'll know i'll love. He found the cutest bathrobe with little hearts all over it. Then His mom pointed out another one. Master loved the little heart robe and so did i, till i saw the next one. Perhaps the best robe ever made in the history of robes. Pink and ohhhh sooooo fluffy. Done deal and Master said i was to get that one. He always wants me to have what i want. It wasn't the cute little heart robe that He wanted.... it was what i wanted. These little things won't ever go unnoticed by me. So here i sit typing my blog entry surrounded by a little piece of heaven in my new pink bathrobe. Thank You Master!
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
Monday, March 05, 2007
Getting back on my feet
Last Tuesday i had my other toenail removed. This one has given me a bit more trouble than the one i had done last year, a bit more pain and not as easy to walk on as the first one was. We go to the doctor today to have a new bandage and have a look at it. i'm concerned that it may be infected dispite the antibiotic i took. i've been having fevers but there is no redness on my leg or foot and from what i can tell my foot itself doesn't feel hot.
Master has been trying hard to do things around here to keep me off my foot as much as possible and i've been doing all i can so as not to ask too much of Him. He does everything that i ask Him to do even if He does grumble a bit while doing it hehe. His Mom has been making us a few meals and for the most part they have all been really tasty. It's a bit of a surprise because normally we aren't the biggest fans of her cooking, so it's been very nice.
He gave me a couple cards a couple weeks ago, one was 4 months late, it was intended to be an Anniversary card. He was cleaning in the den and found it and took the time to fill it out. It was one of the nicest cards i've ever gotten. From Him or anyone else. The card spoke about our little corner of the world and that's why He chose it. He was referring to the way that we keep to ourselves mostly, partly because that's what our lifestyle demands and partly because that's how we choose to live. While we are certainly hermits, we like it that way and we're not about to change our lifestyle. It was wonderful to hear Him say that He was happy with the way we are and who we are getting back to being, us.
The last year and a half has been so hard on us and i was sure that we would come out of it stronger. Different of course but stronger. Stronger knowing what our marriage can withstand and what we as a couple are willing to go through in order to live this life together. We're in a bit of rut right now, as Master put it, but it's not a bad rut and neither one of us is unhappy where we are right now. i think this is a perfect time for us to be in a rut, the dead of winter and the calm after a storm. The dust is settling and things are calming down all over with my family and with Master and i.
The title i chose might be metaphorical as well as literal. i am getting back on my feet, of course there are times that i miss my Mom so much i can hardly breath. There are other times that i'm able to spend long moments thinking about her and come away from the thoughts missing her but also loving the memories that i have. Master and i spent a lot of time getting house picked up and cleaned before my surgery. In those days i replaced a few pictures, some that were of my sister or her kids and replaced them with photos of Master and i. i'm not replacing my family with Master, i'm just focusing on us more now than i ever have. i've also put out some lovely pictures of my Mom and i love walking into a room and having her look back at me. i have even more to put out of Master and i as well as of Mom, i'll get around to it soon. But for now, i'm working on getting back on my feet!
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
Master has been trying hard to do things around here to keep me off my foot as much as possible and i've been doing all i can so as not to ask too much of Him. He does everything that i ask Him to do even if He does grumble a bit while doing it hehe. His Mom has been making us a few meals and for the most part they have all been really tasty. It's a bit of a surprise because normally we aren't the biggest fans of her cooking, so it's been very nice.
He gave me a couple cards a couple weeks ago, one was 4 months late, it was intended to be an Anniversary card. He was cleaning in the den and found it and took the time to fill it out. It was one of the nicest cards i've ever gotten. From Him or anyone else. The card spoke about our little corner of the world and that's why He chose it. He was referring to the way that we keep to ourselves mostly, partly because that's what our lifestyle demands and partly because that's how we choose to live. While we are certainly hermits, we like it that way and we're not about to change our lifestyle. It was wonderful to hear Him say that He was happy with the way we are and who we are getting back to being, us.
The last year and a half has been so hard on us and i was sure that we would come out of it stronger. Different of course but stronger. Stronger knowing what our marriage can withstand and what we as a couple are willing to go through in order to live this life together. We're in a bit of rut right now, as Master put it, but it's not a bad rut and neither one of us is unhappy where we are right now. i think this is a perfect time for us to be in a rut, the dead of winter and the calm after a storm. The dust is settling and things are calming down all over with my family and with Master and i.
The title i chose might be metaphorical as well as literal. i am getting back on my feet, of course there are times that i miss my Mom so much i can hardly breath. There are other times that i'm able to spend long moments thinking about her and come away from the thoughts missing her but also loving the memories that i have. Master and i spent a lot of time getting house picked up and cleaned before my surgery. In those days i replaced a few pictures, some that were of my sister or her kids and replaced them with photos of Master and i. i'm not replacing my family with Master, i'm just focusing on us more now than i ever have. i've also put out some lovely pictures of my Mom and i love walking into a room and having her look back at me. i have even more to put out of Master and i as well as of Mom, i'll get around to it soon. But for now, i'm working on getting back on my feet!
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Clean, clean, clean!
i've mentioned before that Master is a pack rat. He's a recycle fanatic and is very choosey about what gets tossed, where and when. That having been said, it has made me become very careful of what i throw away too. So, stuff piles up and things get messy. i was brought up cleaning and doing laundry every weekend. Saturday's were spent cleaning up from the week past and getting ready for the coming week. Even when i left home and had my own place i stuck to that routine. i worked all week and my Saturday's were spent cleaning, getting groceries and finishing up laundry. i worked hard on Saturday so i could spend Sunday's playing. Now that i am not able to work any more and i am anything but in control of how this house is run, the routine that i've known all my life has gone to the way side. This coupled with the fact that i rarely feel well nor do i have the energy to spend a whole day cleaning or doing laundry. i've learned to pick up each day and take care of the animals but a weekly house cleaning and laundry day have long since left me.
i do laundry on an as needed basis and i clean when it needs it. i've always enjoyed having a clean and neat home but it's very hard to maintain when i have absolutely no control over when the recycling gets done etc. To say that it's frustrating is an understatement and there is nothing i can do about it. Master is in control of the house and how things happen are up to Him. Never forgetting that i am not as diligent as i once was as well. There has to be a happy medium here though. i dislike the clutter and i would love to find some half way point with Master. In the last couple months we've also had to incorporate many things that i recieved from my Mom's house. i brought home a lot of stuff from her house, furniture, nic nacs, Christmas decorations and clothes. Now that i have all this stuff here, i have to find a home for it all. The furniture has long been in place but the other "stuff" still needs a home. Little by little we're making way for the new things as well as trying to keep the old.
Last summer i had a procedure to have a toe nail removed as both my big toe nails have caused me nothing but grief my whole life. So now i'm looking at having the other one taken off, next week. Thus, the cleaning frenzie begins. i won't be able to do much after the surgery and i can't in good conscience have the procedure with the house in it's current state. With both of the nails removed, i'm hoping that i'll be able to wear some of the shoes that Master has always wanted me to wear. So there is a double bonus in having the procedure, no pain and being able to wear closed toed heels.
Things have been looking up for me emotionally as well. i know that i was just coming down from the holidays and vacation as well as being in the deep depths of winter and missing Mom. Things are definately slowing down for us and we are establishing ourselves again, as a couple. i have let go of the responsibility of taking care of my Grandma and i know that she's doing well where she is. That alone is a huge relief. i talk to her and she sounds good although i do think she's becoming more and more forgetful, but i would think that's allowed being nearly 100.
This house isn't going to clean itself and i don't expect a maid to show up and do it for me, so i better get back at it.
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
i do laundry on an as needed basis and i clean when it needs it. i've always enjoyed having a clean and neat home but it's very hard to maintain when i have absolutely no control over when the recycling gets done etc. To say that it's frustrating is an understatement and there is nothing i can do about it. Master is in control of the house and how things happen are up to Him. Never forgetting that i am not as diligent as i once was as well. There has to be a happy medium here though. i dislike the clutter and i would love to find some half way point with Master. In the last couple months we've also had to incorporate many things that i recieved from my Mom's house. i brought home a lot of stuff from her house, furniture, nic nacs, Christmas decorations and clothes. Now that i have all this stuff here, i have to find a home for it all. The furniture has long been in place but the other "stuff" still needs a home. Little by little we're making way for the new things as well as trying to keep the old.
Last summer i had a procedure to have a toe nail removed as both my big toe nails have caused me nothing but grief my whole life. So now i'm looking at having the other one taken off, next week. Thus, the cleaning frenzie begins. i won't be able to do much after the surgery and i can't in good conscience have the procedure with the house in it's current state. With both of the nails removed, i'm hoping that i'll be able to wear some of the shoes that Master has always wanted me to wear. So there is a double bonus in having the procedure, no pain and being able to wear closed toed heels.
Things have been looking up for me emotionally as well. i know that i was just coming down from the holidays and vacation as well as being in the deep depths of winter and missing Mom. Things are definately slowing down for us and we are establishing ourselves again, as a couple. i have let go of the responsibility of taking care of my Grandma and i know that she's doing well where she is. That alone is a huge relief. i talk to her and she sounds good although i do think she's becoming more and more forgetful, but i would think that's allowed being nearly 100.
This house isn't going to clean itself and i don't expect a maid to show up and do it for me, so i better get back at it.
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
Saturday, January 27, 2007
No where to go but up
This past Tuesday Master and i went up to see my grandma. She's moving from my home town to be near my sister. So much has happened between my sister and i that i'm not sure how i'm going to forgive her. i know i will forgive and i also know that some time in the future, maybe a week, maybe a year or maybe ten years, she'll hurt me again. i won't forgive her on that basis, when i am ready to completely forgive her it will be with my whole heart. i don't believe that you should forgive someone on a contingency basis.
So now that my grandma is gone from my home town, my sister and brother live far away from there, i'm not sure what sort of family i have left. i have Master and His family and i am so thankful for that. Having Master is what i'm hanging on to for dear life. His family is a strong support system and no matter what, His mom and dad are always there for us. But it's never the same as having the family you've known all your life.
While i might have thought that my grandma going to be near my sister would be a relief for me, all i felt when we left from seeing her was loss. It's just too much to take in, losing my Mom and now having no idea if i'll see my grandma alive again or when or if i'll see my brother and sister again. i can't really even begin to imagine it all. When we left town to come home Master asked me if there was any where i wanted to go or do while we were there. i asked him to take me to my favorite pet store. i got to play with the birds and hold a tiny Yorkie. While i'm sure someday i'll go back for whatever reason, i know i'll miss it while i'm gone.
i was going to go to my Mom's house one last time to drop off a garage door opener, but i couldn't make myself do it. That house is the house i've known and every inch of it is "Mom". When i see that house in person or in my mind i see how lovely it is and how hard she worked to make it hers. The work that she put into it and the love that she had for that house is just too much for me to handle, i am not sure i'll be able to see it again.
i'm not leaving behind too many friends, two that i really keep in touch with and i know i won't lose touch with either of them. One i've been friends with for some 30 years and the other is too stubborn to allow me to just float away. When i left there to come here, i left knowing that i could go back at any time and that my Mom would always be there for me. i knew that no matter what happened here or if things ever went south for Master and i, i would always have a home to go to. i no longer have that, should something ever happen with Master and i, i literally have no where to go and no one to turn to. While i have all the faith in the world that He and i will be together till the end of our days, one never knows what the future holds.
i'm trying like mad to focus on the fact that Master and i have a wonderful future together to look forward to with little to no chance that i'll have to be gone for weeks on end. i can now just settle back and work toward rebuilding us and continue working toward being a good slave for Him. He's been a bit more strict and demanding since we've gotten home from vacation and it's been good for both of us. It's easy to lose sight of your goals when it seems the world has been turned upside down. Now things are getting back to how He likes them and i'm watching my P's n Q's and trying to mind Him. So much easier said than done.
i've really been hurting a lot this past week, i can't seem to focus on anything and i know my memory is poor. All of the above is a clear indication that my depression is in full swing. While i've been on an anti-depressant for a while now, there's not much it can do for these sudden flairs. i would be shocked if i weren't depressed right now, it's the dead of winter with little sun light, i'm mourning the loss of my Mom and the loss of the family i've always known, how could i not be depressed? Just knowing that i'm in the middle of a downslide helps me because i know i can worm my way out of it. A little bit at a time, but i'll come back up.
Tonight we're going out for supper with some friends and that's always a good thing for me! i need to make sure that i'm planning things to look forward to, that's big for me. Having said that and looking at the clock on the wall, i see that i better scoot off of here and get ready to go!
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
So now that my grandma is gone from my home town, my sister and brother live far away from there, i'm not sure what sort of family i have left. i have Master and His family and i am so thankful for that. Having Master is what i'm hanging on to for dear life. His family is a strong support system and no matter what, His mom and dad are always there for us. But it's never the same as having the family you've known all your life.
While i might have thought that my grandma going to be near my sister would be a relief for me, all i felt when we left from seeing her was loss. It's just too much to take in, losing my Mom and now having no idea if i'll see my grandma alive again or when or if i'll see my brother and sister again. i can't really even begin to imagine it all. When we left town to come home Master asked me if there was any where i wanted to go or do while we were there. i asked him to take me to my favorite pet store. i got to play with the birds and hold a tiny Yorkie. While i'm sure someday i'll go back for whatever reason, i know i'll miss it while i'm gone.
i was going to go to my Mom's house one last time to drop off a garage door opener, but i couldn't make myself do it. That house is the house i've known and every inch of it is "Mom". When i see that house in person or in my mind i see how lovely it is and how hard she worked to make it hers. The work that she put into it and the love that she had for that house is just too much for me to handle, i am not sure i'll be able to see it again.
i'm not leaving behind too many friends, two that i really keep in touch with and i know i won't lose touch with either of them. One i've been friends with for some 30 years and the other is too stubborn to allow me to just float away. When i left there to come here, i left knowing that i could go back at any time and that my Mom would always be there for me. i knew that no matter what happened here or if things ever went south for Master and i, i would always have a home to go to. i no longer have that, should something ever happen with Master and i, i literally have no where to go and no one to turn to. While i have all the faith in the world that He and i will be together till the end of our days, one never knows what the future holds.
i'm trying like mad to focus on the fact that Master and i have a wonderful future together to look forward to with little to no chance that i'll have to be gone for weeks on end. i can now just settle back and work toward rebuilding us and continue working toward being a good slave for Him. He's been a bit more strict and demanding since we've gotten home from vacation and it's been good for both of us. It's easy to lose sight of your goals when it seems the world has been turned upside down. Now things are getting back to how He likes them and i'm watching my P's n Q's and trying to mind Him. So much easier said than done.
i've really been hurting a lot this past week, i can't seem to focus on anything and i know my memory is poor. All of the above is a clear indication that my depression is in full swing. While i've been on an anti-depressant for a while now, there's not much it can do for these sudden flairs. i would be shocked if i weren't depressed right now, it's the dead of winter with little sun light, i'm mourning the loss of my Mom and the loss of the family i've always known, how could i not be depressed? Just knowing that i'm in the middle of a downslide helps me because i know i can worm my way out of it. A little bit at a time, but i'll come back up.
Tonight we're going out for supper with some friends and that's always a good thing for me! i need to make sure that i'm planning things to look forward to, that's big for me. Having said that and looking at the clock on the wall, i see that i better scoot off of here and get ready to go!
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Alive and Well and back Home
After a very stressful and hectic Christmas, we packed for a 10 day vacation with Master's whole family in Florida. We had a great time and Master and i spent all our time together, just shopping and wandering around in an awesome climate where it was 80 plus degrees and loving every minute of it. We will move there some day, hopefully sooner than later.
We went to Sea World twice and got some fun pictures. That just might be my favorite place on earth. i can totally lose myself in the animals and just being there feels so surreal. i got to feed the dolphins and spent quite a bit of time playing with them and petting them. i could have stayed there forever.
Master and i had our ups and downs throughout the trip. When we're home we do spend all our time together, rarely if ever leave the house without the other (when i'm not traveling). We spend our computer time together but we have breaks from each other. i'll go about doing my thing and He'll do His. We have other things to focus on throughout the day. When we're traveling there is nothing to distract us from each other. That is good and bad. It makes for some tense moments because Master became quite picky of each thing i did that at home He wouldn't have even noticed. Over all, i think the trip was a success and we can't wait to go back and one day it will be for good.
i came home to even more drama than before i left. After all is said and done with Mom's estate, i'm not sure that i'll have any more family than Master and His family. i nearly broke my hand yesterday slamming it against my desk and pounding on doors. i screamed and swore (which is strongly prohibited by Master). i haven't said the words i said yesterday in many years. The worst part was that i slapped Master's arms to stop Him from sending an email, not only did i slap Him once, i slapped Him over and over again. Until He took me in His arms and made me calm down. It was the worst display of anger and total loss of self control that i have ever had. That just about sums it up, i completely lost control of myself. All of the hurt and feelings of being trampled on over the last year and a half came rushing out and there was nothing i could do to stop it. Master has always said that one day i would lose it by keeping everything bottled up. He was right. i have these episodes about once every ten years or so. i've never had one quite like this one, but similar.
Funny thing is, i don't really feel better, now i just feel guilty and very sad for hurting Master. i didn't physically hurt Him, not by a long shot, but i can only imagine that i hurt His heart, by disobeying Him when He told me to sit and not get up, by hitting Him and by swearing. i have no idea what reprocussions there will be for my actions. Whatever i get, is deserved and i'm hoping that it will help cleanse me of the guilt that i'm having.
Along with the guilt of hurting Master, i'm still in the same boat i was in before i lost it. i still don't have my Mom to talk to and the same mess still exists. i don't know how to get mad and shoot off steam and then get back on track. i (almost) never get mad, so i have no idea how to deal with the embarrasment of the "after shock". Master hasn't acted mad at me in fact, i think He's somewhat relieved that i finally took out some of my anger on my sister.
The best thing about being home is that there are no plans for me to leave again. We're home, we've collected all our kids from their various sitters and we are all home as a family again. That feeling alone is one that makes my heart leap. i'm home after a very hard time, i can relax and just work on becoming Master's slave again. i have A LOT of work to do in that area!!! It's going to take us a long time to recover from this and all we have is time.
i hope that everyone out there in blog land had a great holiday!!
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
We went to Sea World twice and got some fun pictures. That just might be my favorite place on earth. i can totally lose myself in the animals and just being there feels so surreal. i got to feed the dolphins and spent quite a bit of time playing with them and petting them. i could have stayed there forever.
Master and i had our ups and downs throughout the trip. When we're home we do spend all our time together, rarely if ever leave the house without the other (when i'm not traveling). We spend our computer time together but we have breaks from each other. i'll go about doing my thing and He'll do His. We have other things to focus on throughout the day. When we're traveling there is nothing to distract us from each other. That is good and bad. It makes for some tense moments because Master became quite picky of each thing i did that at home He wouldn't have even noticed. Over all, i think the trip was a success and we can't wait to go back and one day it will be for good.
i came home to even more drama than before i left. After all is said and done with Mom's estate, i'm not sure that i'll have any more family than Master and His family. i nearly broke my hand yesterday slamming it against my desk and pounding on doors. i screamed and swore (which is strongly prohibited by Master). i haven't said the words i said yesterday in many years. The worst part was that i slapped Master's arms to stop Him from sending an email, not only did i slap Him once, i slapped Him over and over again. Until He took me in His arms and made me calm down. It was the worst display of anger and total loss of self control that i have ever had. That just about sums it up, i completely lost control of myself. All of the hurt and feelings of being trampled on over the last year and a half came rushing out and there was nothing i could do to stop it. Master has always said that one day i would lose it by keeping everything bottled up. He was right. i have these episodes about once every ten years or so. i've never had one quite like this one, but similar.
Funny thing is, i don't really feel better, now i just feel guilty and very sad for hurting Master. i didn't physically hurt Him, not by a long shot, but i can only imagine that i hurt His heart, by disobeying Him when He told me to sit and not get up, by hitting Him and by swearing. i have no idea what reprocussions there will be for my actions. Whatever i get, is deserved and i'm hoping that it will help cleanse me of the guilt that i'm having.
Along with the guilt of hurting Master, i'm still in the same boat i was in before i lost it. i still don't have my Mom to talk to and the same mess still exists. i don't know how to get mad and shoot off steam and then get back on track. i (almost) never get mad, so i have no idea how to deal with the embarrasment of the "after shock". Master hasn't acted mad at me in fact, i think He's somewhat relieved that i finally took out some of my anger on my sister.
The best thing about being home is that there are no plans for me to leave again. We're home, we've collected all our kids from their various sitters and we are all home as a family again. That feeling alone is one that makes my heart leap. i'm home after a very hard time, i can relax and just work on becoming Master's slave again. i have A LOT of work to do in that area!!! It's going to take us a long time to recover from this and all we have is time.
i hope that everyone out there in blog land had a great holiday!!
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
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