i spent the weekend and Monday at Mom's house, going through her house and sifting through all her things. my brother and sister and i worked all weekend and when Master and i finally left on Monday afternoon, it didn't seem that we even made a dent. There is just so much to go through and so much to do.
Now Master and i have a huge task of making room in our house for all of the treasures i brought home. It didn't seem like that much when i was packing up but once we got it all loaded i was amazed to see how much there really was.
Master says that i have really lost my focus as His slave. After everything that i have been through this year and having to take care of myself a lot being away from Him so often, He says that i have gained an independence that He's not at all fond of. i'm sure that we'll get back into our routine and back where we were before this all started, it will just take some time. i don't feel any different about my role as His slave and i don't feel like i'm any less subserviant to Him, but He feels that way and of course, that's what matters. i know this has been hard on both of us, just in a different way for Him. It's like we almost have to re-learn how to live together again. i have spent months away from home and even though we talked every few hours while i was away, i didn't defer to Him on every single issue like i would have had i been at home. There were so many decisions that i had to make on my own, things that He couldn't help me with that i'm sure He must have felt almost completely out of His element. He has to be in control, He has to be. That is His make up and that's the only way He knows how to function. That's one of the things i love about Him, the fact that He has the final say on things and that even if i don't agree with His decision, that's the way it is. This past year has been so opposite of that it's not even recognizable as our relationship. i want things to get back to the way they were before Mom got sick. me being her power of attorney for health care put so much burden on me. All of a sudden i was the decision maker for these huge life changing situations. It was a role i took on with an enourmous amount of respect of sense of duty to my Mom but i hope i never have to do that again in my life.
More than anything, i miss my Mom. i want so badly to call her and tell her what i'm up to. It's these lovely fall days that make me miss her so much. i know how much she would have loved to enjoy a day like this. How she would spend hours in her yard puttering about, feeding the birds and the chipmunks, doing a little raking or trimming. Then listening to her on the phone telling me how hard she worked, hearing how happy she was to get so much accomplished. i don't know if this ever gets any easier or if how some people say, you just sort of get used to missing them. But the terrible thing is, i don't want to miss her, i want her to be here for me to call her or go see her. How horribly selfish is that?
i know this is just the normal grieving process and it's all still so fresh, i just hope that it starts getting a little easier. i wake up every morning and i think to myself... something is wrong... oh yeah, Mom died. Then i get up, because i have to. my life isn't over, Mom's is. Life goes on and there's nothing i can do about it but go through the paces of my life until i feel a little better. But this is what i need, i just need some time to be home with Master get our life back in order and spend a little time missing my friend who also happened to be my Mom.
i'm sad but i'm OK. i have Master and His family and i talk to my sister every day. As much as Master hates her, it helps me so much to talk to her. She's the only one who truly knows what i'm missing. She was her daughter too and she also lost her Mom in the exact same way that i did. It helps me so much to talk to her about things that i miss about Mom and she knows the right thing to say and sometimes it's just saying nothing at all. my sister gave up much of her childhood to take care of me when my Mom wasn't around. She missed out on so much so she could be there for me and even though Master has huge issues with her right now, she's my sister and she sacrificed so much for me. She was the one who took me into our bedroom and played 45's on our little record player loud enough to drown out the screaming so i didn't have to hear it. She was the one who got me ready for school each day, making herself late for school just so my hair was curled. She did my laundry and made sure that i have something presentable to wear to school. When i couldn't go to school one day because i had torn my last pair of pants, she was the one who called my grandma and asked to borrow some money to get me some new clothes. Then called my Mom and told her she'd have to take me shopping with the money. She was the one who took me to my grandparents house every weekend so i didn't have be home to witness the horrid things that were happening at home. Then she'd go back home and cook and clean for the family, giving up her weekends for so many years. When all her friends were having sleep overs and going out to parties, she would stay home and make sure nothing bad happened to my brother. When she got her job, she gave all her money to my Mom to pay the bills and bought me clothes and pretty things that she knew i'd love.
No, she's not a saint, she's a pain in the butt. She's hyperactive and she frets about the silliest things. She's selfish and self centered most of the time now and very concerened about her social status. But she's my sister and i'll never forget all that she did to make my life a little bit easier when things were so very awful. i pray that some day Master will be able to look beyond her annoying qualities and realize that she's funny and underneath it all, a good person. Even if she's a bit misguided at times.
Ahhhh the joys of family, can't live without them! How boring would that be?
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
Biz Page
On Being A "Professional" Master/slave
We've never, ever wanted to be mistaken for any of the countless people who claim to be a Master or slave when in reality, they just pretend for money. There's potentially a fine line in other folks' perception, and I've gone to considerable effort to never cross that line. My treasure writes here because she enjoys it, she loves to get and reply to comments and she also does it because I require it. In the beginning, it was a blog, nothing more, nothing less. In the last few years, it has become not only a blog, but also a hub for all of our online activity. Some of that activity is done simply for fun, some of it is to feed some sort of narcissistic need for kudos that I still deny having, and some of it is done to try to supplement our income by sharing our real life with others who might be willing to toss a few bucks our way for a small window into our normal activities. Normal for us but mere fantasies to them, things that they can't get at home or simply things that get their blood flowing south. Like most people, we started out never showing our faces, never being specific about where we live, blah blah blah. One day, I decided that I was tired of acting like I was ashamed of Myself or My girl, just so someone I knew wouldn't find a photo that would make them all butt hurt because of their own insecurities and closed-mindedness. In a very short time, we had started making videos and posting non-anonymous pictures all over the place. Eventually, My girl started doing live cam sessions for cash and it's become a multifaceted "business". That's why we're making this page. I didn't want it on the front page of the blog because this is still her blog, and always will be, but we wanted to add a page for some of the money-making things that we do.
About two years ago, we decided to test the waters with Kindle publishing. For a nominal fee of 99 cents a month, you can get this blog automatically delivered to your Kindle. Unfortunately, this makes it less likely for My girl to get the comments that she so loves, so if you decide to go the Kindle route, please come back here later to leave that comment you were thinking about!
Lately, we've had gentlemen ask if it was possible to buy My treasure's worn stockings. If worn stockings is what you seek, then we are happy to oblige. We've charged very reasonable amounts in the past, and that won't change. Pricing will depend entirely on quantity, color, availability, your location and any other variables or requests. We get her stockings from Europe, and we only order a few times a year, so we may have limited color options at any given time. If you're interested in My girl's worn stockings, or any other requests for that matter, please email her directly at precioustreasure_md@yahoo.com. We've done custom videos and would also be happy to do custom photosets. If it turns you on, and you think we can provide it, please don't hesitate to ask.
About 2 and a half years ago, we also decided to start making videos for sale. We've had a banner on the front page, but we've never really promoted it at all. Well, I'm not really going to promote it too much here either, but if you'd like to check out our clips, you can find them here. You can also find some of them here.
My treasure has also started working as a cam girl on ImLive. There's a banner on the front for this as well, but you can also click here or on the banner below to find her over there or schedule a meeting with her.
Banners here also!
hun give it time allow yourself to grieve. Lean on your man. He is there for you. But most of all don't forget that you are still alive. So be sure to live.
ReplyDeletehugs
starla
As i wipe the tears away i remember going thru the same thing 5 years ago my dear...please let yourself heal. He will be there as Mistress was for me. Its not easy going back but it can be done and remember to love with all your heart always
ReplyDeletemissey