i suppose it goes
without saying that this has been a difficult week. For the most part
Master has been doing well, but as expected there have been ups and
downs. i think it's going to be on me to realize that He will deal with
His grief much differently than i did.
When
we got home the other night Master closed the garage door and sort of
dramatically said that we were going to have to live a new life, a life
without His Mom. He's been strong and weak, He's been sad and grief
ridden, He's been everything that i would expect Him to be. One thing
that He's been struggling with is being happy, just the act of
laughing. i know exactly what He meant when He asked me if i felt
guilty for laughing and having fun right after my Mom died. i did, i
felt terribly guilty and He feels the same way. It wasn't until someone
just flat out told me that it was okay to laugh and of course i knew
it, of course i know that life goes on and that my life wasn't supposed
to end just because hers did, i just needed to hear it. So that's what i
said to Master. He knew it too and perhaps He didn't need to hear it
like i did but it's all i knew to say, so i said it.
For me, i am relieved for the whole family but most especially, i am relieved for her. She just suffered for too long and Master's Dad was suffering along with her. i know there is a part of this that makes no sense but His suffering is over too, partially. He has to suffer through missing her now though.
For me, i am relieved for the whole family but most especially, i am relieved for her. She just suffered for too long and Master's Dad was suffering along with her. i know there is a part of this that makes no sense but His suffering is over too, partially. He has to suffer through missing her now though.
i'm am so thankful to the rocks in our lives and to the trouble makers, i hope they are able to find peace in their lives.
i apologize for the scattered blog posts. Things are getting back to normal and i'll be back posting on a more regular basis. Thanks for hanging in here with me!
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. You are correct that you can never be prepared and the "survivors guilt" is always there. Please dont feel you need to apologize here, I can only speak for myself but my heart is with you both. My wish for you both is that you find comfort and peace in all the wonderful memories you have of her.
ReplyDeleteThank you very much hun. It's always good to hear from you. If there's anything to be thankful for, it's all the memories and stories we can share. You are totally right about that one. *hugs*
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