As usual Master went crazy this year with the Christmas gifts and it took quite a while for me to open all my gifts. i got several movies and books that i can’t wait to watch and read. i think together we got over 30 DVD’s. i got tons of little trinkets and earrings and as in years past, Master got me a Charming Tails. This year He got me two of them and they are both absolutely adorable. i have been collecting one every year that we have been together and they are something that i can’t wait to open!
It was a very slavelike Christmas around here this year. He bought me a new collar, it’s something that He’s been looking at for a very long time and this year He decided to splurge. i love it, no more changing from one collar to another for bed or showers and this is one that i won’t be taking off when we leave the house. He also got me a jeweled butt plug, it’s really pretty and heavy, but small. i haven’t been allowed to try out my favorite present yet but i’m sure it will be getting a lot of use!!! It’s a Hitachi Wand!!! i have been drooling over them for a very long time and it came as a complete surprise when i opened it. i had all but forgotten about it. He also broke His own rule this year and got me some of my favorite chocolates. (that are almost gone)
We had a pretty hectic couple days with going up to see my family Christmas eve and then getting home really late to open one gift from each other. We got up very early Christmas morning to go to church, then home to open all our gifts to each other. We were so tired we could have gone to bed and slept till the next morning, but we headed over to His parents house to celebrate with them. We had a very nice holiday all in all and it’s nice to get things back to normal. We spent a long time last night taking pictures of all our gifts and trying to regain some semblance of order in the house.
i had a bit of a revelation when we arrived at my sister’s house on Christmas Eve. The very minute we got there, i wanted to leave and go home. A small part of it was that i was worried about the driving conditions as there was a threat of ice and sleet coming that way. But like i said, that was a small part. The minute we got there, my sister irritated me. Her house looked like something out of Better Homes and Gardens, i can’t even begin to imagine what that dinner, food and decorations cost her. Her husband’s parents were there, so that meant that she had to put on her best show. Master made a funny yet slightly off color remark at dinner and you would have thought that she had been brought up in a bubble, never having heard such a remark in her life. GIVE ME A BREAK! She must forget that we were brought up in the same house with the same mother who has about as much class and decorum as lion on the prairie with it’s fresh kill. Again, it was all due to the fact that she wants to be seen as something that she isn’t: Rich and Royal. She and her husband have a little bit of money and whew….. what money can do to people…. it’s sad. So, my revelation was simply this: my home is with Master now. Yes, those people are my family and i love them very much, but Master and His family are my true family now. With that bit of information tucked in my cap, i can say that it’s a relief to me, i have found where i truly belong. In a small way, in the last four years i have been floating. Always wishing that i could be back home with my family and friends, yet loving my life here with Him. Now i know that this is my family and this is my home now.
It was awesome to spend a little time with my niece and nephew, i would have been completely thrilled if i could have just spent my time with them alone. But it was great to see them and catch up with them a bit. my niece is doing really well in college and had a great first semester. my nephew is struggling with his classes and seems to be on the five year plan. He has always wanted to be a Pathologist but he just doesn’t have the grades for it. i think he’ll end up becoming some kind of lab tech so he can still pursue his gruesome dreams of working with dead people. Whatever floats your boat!
When i talked to my sister the day after Christmas she told me that she and her husband spent the better part of Christmas day cleaning up from her bought of over drinking. Apparently she got sick all over the house and made quite a mess. She was pretty toasted when Master and i left and i’m sure she didn’t stop there. i think it’s rather comical that she wants to pretend to be all refined and pompous yet she gets trashed in front of her in-laws that she works so hard to fool. Again, whatever floats your boat.
i hope that everyone out there in blog land had a lovely and safe holiday!
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
Biz Page
On Being A "Professional" Master/slave
We've never, ever wanted to be mistaken for any of the countless people who claim to be a Master or slave when in reality, they just pretend for money. There's potentially a fine line in other folks' perception, and I've gone to considerable effort to never cross that line. My treasure writes here because she enjoys it, she loves to get and reply to comments and she also does it because I require it. In the beginning, it was a blog, nothing more, nothing less. In the last few years, it has become not only a blog, but also a hub for all of our online activity. Some of that activity is done simply for fun, some of it is to feed some sort of narcissistic need for kudos that I still deny having, and some of it is done to try to supplement our income by sharing our real life with others who might be willing to toss a few bucks our way for a small window into our normal activities. Normal for us but mere fantasies to them, things that they can't get at home or simply things that get their blood flowing south. Like most people, we started out never showing our faces, never being specific about where we live, blah blah blah. One day, I decided that I was tired of acting like I was ashamed of Myself or My girl, just so someone I knew wouldn't find a photo that would make them all butt hurt because of their own insecurities and closed-mindedness. In a very short time, we had started making videos and posting non-anonymous pictures all over the place. Eventually, My girl started doing live cam sessions for cash and it's become a multifaceted "business". That's why we're making this page. I didn't want it on the front page of the blog because this is still her blog, and always will be, but we wanted to add a page for some of the money-making things that we do.
About two years ago, we decided to test the waters with Kindle publishing. For a nominal fee of 99 cents a month, you can get this blog automatically delivered to your Kindle. Unfortunately, this makes it less likely for My girl to get the comments that she so loves, so if you decide to go the Kindle route, please come back here later to leave that comment you were thinking about!
Lately, we've had gentlemen ask if it was possible to buy My treasure's worn stockings. If worn stockings is what you seek, then we are happy to oblige. We've charged very reasonable amounts in the past, and that won't change. Pricing will depend entirely on quantity, color, availability, your location and any other variables or requests. We get her stockings from Europe, and we only order a few times a year, so we may have limited color options at any given time. If you're interested in My girl's worn stockings, or any other requests for that matter, please email her directly at precioustreasure_md@yahoo.com. We've done custom videos and would also be happy to do custom photosets. If it turns you on, and you think we can provide it, please don't hesitate to ask.
About 2 and a half years ago, we also decided to start making videos for sale. We've had a banner on the front page, but we've never really promoted it at all. Well, I'm not really going to promote it too much here either, but if you'd like to check out our clips, you can find them here. You can also find some of them here.
My treasure has also started working as a cam girl on ImLive. There's a banner on the front for this as well, but you can also click here or on the banner below to find her over there or schedule a meeting with her.
Banners here also!
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
Thursday, December 22, 2005
Merry Christmas!
Master and i are as ready for Christmas as we’re going to get, i think. The gifts are wrapped and the presents for His family are already over at His parent’s house. i did a very little bit of baking the other day and that’s about all i’m going to do. i don’t want to wear myself out before the holiday and have nothing left when it gets here. So i think i’m about as prepared as i can be. It’s going to be a couple of hectic days with Master’s work schedule and going up to see my family for Christmas Eve. We will be getting up early on Christmas morning to go to church and then back home to open some gifts. Then we’ll head over to His parents to spend the day with them. Just about every day Master comes in with more packages and He swears that this is His last purchase, then the next day, here He comes again with more! He’s out of control!!! giggles He just loves to shop for Christmas!
i went with Him on the route yesterday and we had a very good day. We got a little stuck in a ditch but some angel came by with a big truck and chain and got us out in no time and we were back on our way with very little time lost. What could have been a huge pain turned into no big deal at all. The roads out where He delivers are pretty bad and very little plowing has been done out there, so it makes for some interesting driving!
my brother’s wife had a death in her family a couple days ago. Her brother had been quite ill and has had some pretty rough riding with his health the last few years, somehow he contracted Hepatitis C among some other very serious health issues and he passed away Tuesday morning. i feel bad for them because losing someone at any time of the year is hard but to lose someone at the holidays must make it all the more traumatic. It makes me really think about the blessing of having my mom with us this year as it was very touch and go with her just a few short months ago.
i had jury duty yesterday morning and we were all very happy to hear that as soon as the accused person heard that there was a jury waiting to hear his case, he pled guilty and we were all able to go home. Master was pretty upset that i was going to have to serve, but it worked out all right and i was still able to go with Him on the route yesterday. He was more than a little upset about the whole deal as He firmly believes that our justice system is a complete joke and wasn’t all that thrilled about me being a part of it. So, no harm done in this case and i was able to go back to my normal humdrum life without having to spend much time in “jury hell”.
It’s all Christmas, Christmas, Christmas here these days as we both get pretty excited about the gifts that we have gotten for each other and for our “kids”. i’m looking forward to attending church Sunday morning and getting a dose of “what Christmas really means”. As much as i love the Christmas spirit, i do really enjoy taking a break from the gifts and parties to remember why we celebrate this Holy Holiday. i feel my faith getting stronger every day and i have been able to see every day challenges as gifts rather than stumbling blocks.
Just as a side note, i think that companies that feel the need to change “Merry Christmas” into “Happy Holidays” is a bit over the top. If i want to wish someone a Merry Christmas and they happen to have other beliefs then they take my Merry Christmas, in the spirit it was intended and go about their merry way! Never for one second would i begrudge someone his or her beliefs, but i also feel that it is my God given right (as it were) to wish someone a Merry Christmas! Just as anyone else might want to wish me a Happy Chanukah, Kwanzaa or whatever, i would take it as a peaceful gesture and be completely comfortable with their well wishes. Just my 2 cents.
That having been said…… Merry Christmas everyone!!! Many blessings to you and your families!
MD's treasure
i went with Him on the route yesterday and we had a very good day. We got a little stuck in a ditch but some angel came by with a big truck and chain and got us out in no time and we were back on our way with very little time lost. What could have been a huge pain turned into no big deal at all. The roads out where He delivers are pretty bad and very little plowing has been done out there, so it makes for some interesting driving!
my brother’s wife had a death in her family a couple days ago. Her brother had been quite ill and has had some pretty rough riding with his health the last few years, somehow he contracted Hepatitis C among some other very serious health issues and he passed away Tuesday morning. i feel bad for them because losing someone at any time of the year is hard but to lose someone at the holidays must make it all the more traumatic. It makes me really think about the blessing of having my mom with us this year as it was very touch and go with her just a few short months ago.
i had jury duty yesterday morning and we were all very happy to hear that as soon as the accused person heard that there was a jury waiting to hear his case, he pled guilty and we were all able to go home. Master was pretty upset that i was going to have to serve, but it worked out all right and i was still able to go with Him on the route yesterday. He was more than a little upset about the whole deal as He firmly believes that our justice system is a complete joke and wasn’t all that thrilled about me being a part of it. So, no harm done in this case and i was able to go back to my normal humdrum life without having to spend much time in “jury hell”.
It’s all Christmas, Christmas, Christmas here these days as we both get pretty excited about the gifts that we have gotten for each other and for our “kids”. i’m looking forward to attending church Sunday morning and getting a dose of “what Christmas really means”. As much as i love the Christmas spirit, i do really enjoy taking a break from the gifts and parties to remember why we celebrate this Holy Holiday. i feel my faith getting stronger every day and i have been able to see every day challenges as gifts rather than stumbling blocks.
Just as a side note, i think that companies that feel the need to change “Merry Christmas” into “Happy Holidays” is a bit over the top. If i want to wish someone a Merry Christmas and they happen to have other beliefs then they take my Merry Christmas, in the spirit it was intended and go about their merry way! Never for one second would i begrudge someone his or her beliefs, but i also feel that it is my God given right (as it were) to wish someone a Merry Christmas! Just as anyone else might want to wish me a Happy Chanukah, Kwanzaa or whatever, i would take it as a peaceful gesture and be completely comfortable with their well wishes. Just my 2 cents.
That having been said…… Merry Christmas everyone!!! Many blessings to you and your families!
MD's treasure
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Quizical
| This Is My Life, Rated | |
| Life: |  8 |
| Mind: | 7.5 |
| Body: |  6.1 |
| Spirit: |  9.6 |
| Friends/Family: |  6.6 |
| Love: |  9.1 |
| Finance: | 7.6 |
| Take the Rate My Life Quiz | |
Monday, December 12, 2005
A little bit of rambling
Saturday Master and i went to the annual Christmas party that His family has. It was nice but we were both disappointed at how quickly everyone left. In years past people have hung around late and played cards and visited. i guess every year people get busier and let the hustle and bustle of the holiday get the better of them. We left when it seemed that the party was coming to a close and came home so Master and His dad could clean the snow off the drive way and sidewalks. We have had a considerable amount of snow already and there doesn’t seem to be an end in sight. It is much colder this year than it has been in the few years that i have been here.
Yesterday we got up early and got a pretty good start on our shopping. We went out of town and did a lot of browsing but we didn’t seem to get much accomplished. We had a good day and nice supper but didn’t make a whole lot of progress on our gift buying. For the most part we are right on schedule with our holiday preparations and i’m hoping to get some presents wrapped tonight after Master gets home from work. We’ll see how He feels when He gets home. Our cards have been sent, the decorations are up and most of the gifts are purchased. So i think we’re doing pretty well. We need to be have all our chores done with week before Christmas because i got a Jury Summons for the week of Christmas and there is a slight chance that i won’t be around that whole week to finish up last minute tasks. i was given a low number so there is a chance that i’ll be called to serve. i can’t imagine that they would start a trial in this small town the week of Christmas, but you can never be sure.
i have had a couple of fair days related to pain so i’m very thankful for that. Today doesn’t seem to shaping up to be one of my better days, but i certainly won’t complain. i know it could always be much worse. i’m well enough to do some small things around the house and i’m grateful that i’m able to function as well i am.
i had a long talk with my sister Saturday morning and she’s having a hard time with her relationship with her husband. Somehow he got wind that she’s having an affair with a man that she works with. She says that she’s not and that’s all i have to go on. i would like to believe her and since i have no evidence to prove otherwise, i’m guessing that she’s telling the truth. When her husband heard that she might be involved with someone else, he freaked and roughed her up a bit. He’s a pretty classy guy and i was really surprised when she told me about it. He just doesn’t seem the type, but who knows. She has a history of not always being the most truthful person so it’s hard to say what actually happened. i just pray that they can work it out and stay together. He has been really good to her and i know first hand that she’s a very difficult person to live with. Not that anyone deserves to be abused, ever. i would never want her to stay with him if it turns out to be an abusive situation for her. She has been married three times now and i was really hoping that this one might hold for her.
i’m really looking forward to seeing my family for the holidays, i haven’t spent any time with my niece and nephew for ages and i really miss them. They are both in college and it’s hard for them to get away much any more. When they were little i saw them every day and i was a big part of their lives so it’s really weird to think that i only talk to them once in a while now.
Enough rambling on about not much, have a great day everyone!
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
Yesterday we got up early and got a pretty good start on our shopping. We went out of town and did a lot of browsing but we didn’t seem to get much accomplished. We had a good day and nice supper but didn’t make a whole lot of progress on our gift buying. For the most part we are right on schedule with our holiday preparations and i’m hoping to get some presents wrapped tonight after Master gets home from work. We’ll see how He feels when He gets home. Our cards have been sent, the decorations are up and most of the gifts are purchased. So i think we’re doing pretty well. We need to be have all our chores done with week before Christmas because i got a Jury Summons for the week of Christmas and there is a slight chance that i won’t be around that whole week to finish up last minute tasks. i was given a low number so there is a chance that i’ll be called to serve. i can’t imagine that they would start a trial in this small town the week of Christmas, but you can never be sure.
i have had a couple of fair days related to pain so i’m very thankful for that. Today doesn’t seem to shaping up to be one of my better days, but i certainly won’t complain. i know it could always be much worse. i’m well enough to do some small things around the house and i’m grateful that i’m able to function as well i am.
i had a long talk with my sister Saturday morning and she’s having a hard time with her relationship with her husband. Somehow he got wind that she’s having an affair with a man that she works with. She says that she’s not and that’s all i have to go on. i would like to believe her and since i have no evidence to prove otherwise, i’m guessing that she’s telling the truth. When her husband heard that she might be involved with someone else, he freaked and roughed her up a bit. He’s a pretty classy guy and i was really surprised when she told me about it. He just doesn’t seem the type, but who knows. She has a history of not always being the most truthful person so it’s hard to say what actually happened. i just pray that they can work it out and stay together. He has been really good to her and i know first hand that she’s a very difficult person to live with. Not that anyone deserves to be abused, ever. i would never want her to stay with him if it turns out to be an abusive situation for her. She has been married three times now and i was really hoping that this one might hold for her.
i’m really looking forward to seeing my family for the holidays, i haven’t spent any time with my niece and nephew for ages and i really miss them. They are both in college and it’s hard for them to get away much any more. When they were little i saw them every day and i was a big part of their lives so it’s really weird to think that i only talk to them once in a while now.
Enough rambling on about not much, have a great day everyone!
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
Friday, December 09, 2005
A Good Day!
Finally, the day that i had been hoping for. i’m having a good day, so far. i got up early for me and i spent the day shopping, having lunch with my mother in law and i really got a lot accomplished. i’m sure that i did way too much today but when i have one of these rare days i have to squeeze in everything that i can. i’m exhausted but the pain is at a tolerable level and for the first time in a very long time, i can see light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe, just maybe there is hope for a better day for me.
i can’t say all the things that i bought today because much of it was for Master. i have been saving the little bit of money that i make at the bowling alley and that is my Christmas money for Master. It was a good plan and it’s working out great. i don’t make much and it’s just enough for me to splurge a little on Him.
We had quite a bit of snow yesterday and i was so worried about Master out driving in it, but He’s a very careful driver and He did fine. By the time i went out today, all the main streets had been cleared and i didn’t have any trouble. Although of course i worried about that too. my mom told me that i need some Xanax, she may be right hehe.
When i showed up at my appointment to see the counselor at 3pm they said that she had left for the day. HMMMM i was certain that i had an appointment. The gal that i spoke with said that they were still working the kinks out of her schedule and would i mind terribly coming back next week at the same time. i didn’t mind the fact that i came there and she wasn’t there, it wasn’t my time that i was concerned about at all. It only took me ten extra minutes to go there and it wasn’t out of my way. What i was upset about was the fact that i was emotionally ready to see someone again. i haven’t been to see anyone for a couple years now and i was ready to head down that road. i have spent the last week getting ready to talk to someone and now it wasn’t going to happen. That is what i was most upset about. So now i have an appointment to see her next week, same time. i hope i don’t spend the next week constantly thinking about it and again, getting ready to talk to her, only to have them mess up the schedule again. i’m sure it can’t happen again, right? We’ll see.
Master should be home soon so i better get supper started. Have a great weekend!
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
i can’t say all the things that i bought today because much of it was for Master. i have been saving the little bit of money that i make at the bowling alley and that is my Christmas money for Master. It was a good plan and it’s working out great. i don’t make much and it’s just enough for me to splurge a little on Him.
We had quite a bit of snow yesterday and i was so worried about Master out driving in it, but He’s a very careful driver and He did fine. By the time i went out today, all the main streets had been cleared and i didn’t have any trouble. Although of course i worried about that too. my mom told me that i need some Xanax, she may be right hehe.
When i showed up at my appointment to see the counselor at 3pm they said that she had left for the day. HMMMM i was certain that i had an appointment. The gal that i spoke with said that they were still working the kinks out of her schedule and would i mind terribly coming back next week at the same time. i didn’t mind the fact that i came there and she wasn’t there, it wasn’t my time that i was concerned about at all. It only took me ten extra minutes to go there and it wasn’t out of my way. What i was upset about was the fact that i was emotionally ready to see someone again. i haven’t been to see anyone for a couple years now and i was ready to head down that road. i have spent the last week getting ready to talk to someone and now it wasn’t going to happen. That is what i was most upset about. So now i have an appointment to see her next week, same time. i hope i don’t spend the next week constantly thinking about it and again, getting ready to talk to her, only to have them mess up the schedule again. i’m sure it can’t happen again, right? We’ll see.
Master should be home soon so i better get supper started. Have a great weekend!
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
Thursday, December 08, 2005
One Day At A Time
People must get tired of reading the same old thing, over and over again. But i remind myself as i write this that i write for myself and i use my blog as an outlet more often than not. So here i go and i hope this doesn’t sound whiney. i am tired, i haven’t hurt this much for so long without a slight reprieve for as long as i can remember. The other night i made another trip to the Emergency Room. my head is worse now that it has ever been. i wake up every day with this searing pain and even the meds that i take for it every day, are giving me no relief. i find myself a lot of the time counting the hours until it is time to take another pill for the pain. Even the smallest task seems insurmountable right now. i used to have one bad day in the midst of some pretty good ones, now i am seeking that one good day in the midst of the horrible ones.
Today is the first day in more than a week that i have been able to sit at my computer without the screen being blurry from the pain. The other night before i finally decided that i needed some medical attention, i found myself on the floor of the bathroom. Having no idea how i got there. The ER doctor said that occasionally people will black out from intense pain and apparently, that’s what happened to me. my blood pressure was sky high but there was no other indication of heart trouble.
i know that stress has a very large impact on how i feel. i don’t deal as well with stress as i once did. The other morning i got up and it was snowing pretty hard. i spent the entire morning worrying about Master driving in the snow for His job. When He didn’t offer any reassurance that He would ok, i think i went into panic mode. Our financial situation isn’t the best and i am constantly worried that He’ll get fed up with His job and quit and then we’ll be in a real bind. In my position i know that i am not supposed to worry about things as much as i do, but i can’t help it. i need to learn to let go and trust Him that He’ll take care of me. He’s taken care of things so far, there is no reason to think that He won’t continue to do so. i have to remember that.
Speaking of Master. i can’t even begin to say how thankful i am for Him and all that He does for me when i’m not doing well physically. He gets frustrated at how lethargic i am and the constant pain gets very old. But He’s always there to help me. He’ll get me whatever i need, whenever i need it. He’ll drop whatever He’s doing and go into “Protector Mode”. He’ll do whatever He can to help ease the pain and make me more comfortable. The other night He even stood behind me and held me as i was leaning over the toilet. i can’t count the times He has told me to not worry about supper and He’ll find something to eat just so i have one less thing to worry about.
Guilt. i feel horribly guilty that i can’t take care of Him and live up to my end of the bargain when i am in this condition. Many times the tables are turned and He ends up serving me instead of how it should be, instead of how i wish it could be. i came here to serve Him and to be His slave and in so many ways, i am not capable to doing so. There are times when i can’t even kneel down before Him because i don’t have the energy to get back up. He takes it all in stride in hopes of a better day. i have to believe that those days are coming, that i won’t be in this misery forever.
The plan. i made many phone calls the other day and i’m going to go back to the University Hospital after the first of the year. When i was there 2 years ago the team of doctors that i saw told me that they would like to admit me to the hospital for a week or more. i’m not exactly sure what they would do but i remember them saying something about medicating me enough to get me at a manageable pain level. Then go from there. i don’t even know if i would be able to recognize what no pain feels like. Until then, i’ll wait it out and pray for some relief here and there. i have an appointment to see a counselor tomorrow and i might find some way of dealing with stressful situations until i’m able to get to see the doctor. i realized that i have to take a more proactive role in my road to recovery, so that’s what i’m really trying to do.
In the mean time i know that there are some things that i can do to help have a more positive outlook on the whole thing. i need to continue to count my blessings and remember that there are people out there who are much worse off than i am. i am not dying, i just hurt. i have a wonderful Husband/Master who looks after me every day and who loves me no matter how i feel. my mother in law is incredibly supportive and is always there for me when i need her. We have a lovely warm home and we never go hungry. Our “kids” (animals) bring me more joy than i could ever imagine and they keep me occupied when all i want to do is sit and think about how bad i hurt. i have so much to be thankful for and i know that some day, this pain will be a thing of the past. In the mean time my motto is: One Day At A Time.
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
Today is the first day in more than a week that i have been able to sit at my computer without the screen being blurry from the pain. The other night before i finally decided that i needed some medical attention, i found myself on the floor of the bathroom. Having no idea how i got there. The ER doctor said that occasionally people will black out from intense pain and apparently, that’s what happened to me. my blood pressure was sky high but there was no other indication of heart trouble.
i know that stress has a very large impact on how i feel. i don’t deal as well with stress as i once did. The other morning i got up and it was snowing pretty hard. i spent the entire morning worrying about Master driving in the snow for His job. When He didn’t offer any reassurance that He would ok, i think i went into panic mode. Our financial situation isn’t the best and i am constantly worried that He’ll get fed up with His job and quit and then we’ll be in a real bind. In my position i know that i am not supposed to worry about things as much as i do, but i can’t help it. i need to learn to let go and trust Him that He’ll take care of me. He’s taken care of things so far, there is no reason to think that He won’t continue to do so. i have to remember that.
Speaking of Master. i can’t even begin to say how thankful i am for Him and all that He does for me when i’m not doing well physically. He gets frustrated at how lethargic i am and the constant pain gets very old. But He’s always there to help me. He’ll get me whatever i need, whenever i need it. He’ll drop whatever He’s doing and go into “Protector Mode”. He’ll do whatever He can to help ease the pain and make me more comfortable. The other night He even stood behind me and held me as i was leaning over the toilet. i can’t count the times He has told me to not worry about supper and He’ll find something to eat just so i have one less thing to worry about.
Guilt. i feel horribly guilty that i can’t take care of Him and live up to my end of the bargain when i am in this condition. Many times the tables are turned and He ends up serving me instead of how it should be, instead of how i wish it could be. i came here to serve Him and to be His slave and in so many ways, i am not capable to doing so. There are times when i can’t even kneel down before Him because i don’t have the energy to get back up. He takes it all in stride in hopes of a better day. i have to believe that those days are coming, that i won’t be in this misery forever.
The plan. i made many phone calls the other day and i’m going to go back to the University Hospital after the first of the year. When i was there 2 years ago the team of doctors that i saw told me that they would like to admit me to the hospital for a week or more. i’m not exactly sure what they would do but i remember them saying something about medicating me enough to get me at a manageable pain level. Then go from there. i don’t even know if i would be able to recognize what no pain feels like. Until then, i’ll wait it out and pray for some relief here and there. i have an appointment to see a counselor tomorrow and i might find some way of dealing with stressful situations until i’m able to get to see the doctor. i realized that i have to take a more proactive role in my road to recovery, so that’s what i’m really trying to do.
In the mean time i know that there are some things that i can do to help have a more positive outlook on the whole thing. i need to continue to count my blessings and remember that there are people out there who are much worse off than i am. i am not dying, i just hurt. i have a wonderful Husband/Master who looks after me every day and who loves me no matter how i feel. my mother in law is incredibly supportive and is always there for me when i need her. We have a lovely warm home and we never go hungry. Our “kids” (animals) bring me more joy than i could ever imagine and they keep me occupied when all i want to do is sit and think about how bad i hurt. i have so much to be thankful for and i know that some day, this pain will be a thing of the past. In the mean time my motto is: One Day At A Time.
Peace to you and yours,
MD's treasure
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