This post is a lot of rambling and a lot of "thinking out loud". i'm finding that the best way for me to deal with this is to write about it. So i'm sorry if nothing makes any, i just need to get it out.
Nighttime is the worst. i’m afraid to lay down because i know i’ll start thinking about her. Then the tears come, sometimes so hard i can’t breathe. i can’t stop thinking about “why”. Why did she go when she did, what was the final cause, can i be sure she wasn’t in pain. Why can’t i stop crying? When i think of it in a logical sense, i know that she was a little animal and animals die. That’s the reality of it when you have pets they die. my mind knows that, but my heart feels like it’s breaking. i just can’t believe i’ll never hear her sweet chirp again or pet her soft feathers. i’ll never give her a bath again and watch her cuddle in the warmth of the blow dryer. She’ll never make a mess of the counter again with a tiny piece of bread. She’ll never offer me her head to scratch.
i’m so scared for Zeeky, he has to learn to live without her too. He’ll be all alone in there unless we move him out, but still he’ll be alone. He’s never been alone before, i don’t know how he’s going to take it. When we walked in the house last night i instantly listened for her chirping and when i didn’t hear it, i thought my heart would break. i’m sure in time, i’ll get used to this but for now, i just don’t see how i can handle this. i keep telling myself that this was the best way for her to go. She went on her own terms in her own time. It was just so sudden she was fine before this. i watched her eating patterns and she was eating and drinking the same as she always had, there was just no indication that she was sick. The tumor was huge and growing, i suspect, but she just didn’t act like it was bothering her at all. When we learned that it wasn’t cancer, i thought that we would have many more years with her. Maybe the tumor just got to be too much for her and her little body was just worn out.
Whatever the reason, i know that i’ll never be the same again. Life goes on, as they say. But my life will forever be altered by that tiny little bird. i’ll always be a better person for all that she gave me and for all that she taught me. She taught me to always stick by those that love you and sometimes all a person needs is to know that you’re counting on them to love you. All she did was love me and need me when i needed to be needed.
i posted a memorial to her on petloss.com and it should be posted soon. It’s a really wonderful site for anyone grieving the loss of a pet. It will always be there and you can visit your post any time you’re missing your pet. It’s a sad place but there are also some really lovely tributes to read. Monday i am taking her and having her cremated so when i get her back, i will always have her with me. i don’t know if that will help or not, but i know i want her with me in one way or another, forever.
Biz Page
On Being A "Professional" Master/slave
We've never, ever wanted to be mistaken for any of the countless people who claim to be a Master or slave when in reality, they just pretend for money. There's potentially a fine line in other folks' perception, and I've gone to considerable effort to never cross that line. My treasure writes here because she enjoys it, she loves to get and reply to comments and she also does it because I require it. In the beginning, it was a blog, nothing more, nothing less. In the last few years, it has become not only a blog, but also a hub for all of our online activity. Some of that activity is done simply for fun, some of it is to feed some sort of narcissistic need for kudos that I still deny having, and some of it is done to try to supplement our income by sharing our real life with others who might be willing to toss a few bucks our way for a small window into our normal activities. Normal for us but mere fantasies to them, things that they can't get at home or simply things that get their blood flowing south. Like most people, we started out never showing our faces, never being specific about where we live, blah blah blah. One day, I decided that I was tired of acting like I was ashamed of Myself or My girl, just so someone I knew wouldn't find a photo that would make them all butt hurt because of their own insecurities and closed-mindedness. In a very short time, we had started making videos and posting non-anonymous pictures all over the place. Eventually, My girl started doing live cam sessions for cash and it's become a multifaceted "business". That's why we're making this page. I didn't want it on the front page of the blog because this is still her blog, and always will be, but we wanted to add a page for some of the money-making things that we do.
About two years ago, we decided to test the waters with Kindle publishing. For a nominal fee of 99 cents a month, you can get this blog automatically delivered to your Kindle. Unfortunately, this makes it less likely for My girl to get the comments that she so loves, so if you decide to go the Kindle route, please come back here later to leave that comment you were thinking about!
Lately, we've had gentlemen ask if it was possible to buy My treasure's worn stockings. If worn stockings is what you seek, then we are happy to oblige. We've charged very reasonable amounts in the past, and that won't change. Pricing will depend entirely on quantity, color, availability, your location and any other variables or requests. We get her stockings from Europe, and we only order a few times a year, so we may have limited color options at any given time. If you're interested in My girl's worn stockings, or any other requests for that matter, please email her directly at precioustreasure_md@yahoo.com. We've done custom videos and would also be happy to do custom photosets. If it turns you on, and you think we can provide it, please don't hesitate to ask.
About 2 and a half years ago, we also decided to start making videos for sale. We've had a banner on the front page, but we've never really promoted it at all. Well, I'm not really going to promote it too much here either, but if you'd like to check out our clips, you can find them here. You can also find some of them here.
My treasure has also started working as a cam girl on ImLive. There's a banner on the front for this as well, but you can also click here or on the banner below to find her over there or schedule a meeting with her.
Banners here also!
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